Page 79 of Tempting My Mafia Monster

The thought of having to allow that man, or any man, to touch me in the future had the acidic taste of bile rising in my throat. How would I do it? How could I endure it?

I turned away from the window as Giovanni appeared, and greeted him on the steps. They would be in the meeting for a while, which gave me time to get my act together. The anxiety was already flooding through me like a live wire, so I knew I’d find it hard to speak. But I was so over being seen as weak and obedient. I needed to find my voice.

Sani assured me that Aleksandr had already been briefed on my ‘challenges’. I scoffed at that. He didn’t know half the baggage his crazy bride came with.

While they were in Gio’s office, discussing plans for the alliance and getting the contracts drafted, I made my way downstairs. Ivano appeared out of nowhere and followed me at a respectable distance as I headed outside towards the stables. He had never been assigned to follow me around my home before, but clearly my brothers felt it was necessary. I think they were more concerned I’d do something stupid to myself than that I’d be kidnapped again. I’d noticed that a finger was missing from each of his hands, but I didn’t need to ask. I already knew he’d have been punished for my disappearance.

I pushed the guilt aside and focused on Mina. She let out a neigh and a snort when she saw me, showing her excitement.

I rested my hand on her nose and pressed my forehead against hers, closing my eyes.

“Oh, Raya!” Liliana appeared from around the stables. Her brown plaited hair was covered in straw, and a little mud smudged her cheek. She looked flushed and adorable. “I was just mucking them out. Do you want to go for a ride together around the estate?”

I shook my head. “Maybe later?”

She beamed at me, her green eyes, just like Olivia’s, twinkling with hope. “Later is good. Mina will be so happy to have her riding partner back. She’s missed you.”

Her cheeks blushed a shade pinker, and she picked up the rake, hacking at the pile of fresh straw. My heart swelled, knowing she wasn’t really talking about the horse. Lili and I used to ride together most mornings. She must have felt pretty lost without me.

“I missed you too.”

She stopped what she was doing and glanced up. Her eyes watered. “Can I hug you?”

I almost smiled. She wasn’t the type to usually ask for permission. “Please do.”

She dropped the rake and dived at me, hugging me tightly.

“Thank you,” I whimpered, wrapping my arms around my niece’s back. “For putting up with me this week. I know I haven’t been easy.”

“Don’t apologise. I can’t even imagine…” Her voice trailed off, and she squeezed me tighter. “You know I’m here, right? If you ever want to talk about… anything. And I won’t tell anyone. You know I won’t.”

“I know.”

Emotion pressed into me, leaving me breathless, though it may have been her grip. She let me go, and I sank onto the bench outside the stables. Normally, I’d always run to Santino with my problems. But he was the last person I could confide in now.

Growing up, Lili had tried to be close to me, but I’d kept her at a safe distance, as I had with everyone except Sani. I realised I had relied too heavily on that one relationship. It wasn’t fair on him or on everyone around me who had really tried to know me.

I was seven when Lili was born, and I hate to admit that I’d always secretly been a little jealous of her. She was so caring and bubbly, with an infectious energy that seemed to radiate when she walked into a room. She made friends with everyone so easily, spent most of her time playing cards with the soldiers, and helped in the gardens or stables with the staff. I was never like that. I was a recluse, and she was a social butterfly. But despite our differences, we always got along. The urge to tell her about everything that had happened was overwhelming. She wouldn’t tell anyone if I told her not to.

“Did you come out here to hide?” she asked, glancing up at the mansion as she sat down beside me.

“Yes.”

“Me too. Papi said the Bratva were coming today and to make myself scarce.”

“He’s just being protective.”

She glanced at me. “Are you really going to marry the heir?”

“I don’t have a choice. I made this bed. Now I’ve got to lie in it. As the saying goes.”

She wrinkled her nose. “That’s a stupid saying. You’re allowed to change your mind.”

“I wish it were that simple.”

“Well, maybe it will work out okay. Maybe he’ll be nice?”

I looked at her. She gave me a ‘you never know’ shrug.