Page 52 of From Beijing, With Love

“Will Beijing ever be home for you?” Daniel asked, popping another dumpling into his mouth.

“Home is a strong word.” Yang picked at the edge of the beer label. “I never really let myself settle here. Four years later and I still have an unpacked box in my dorm.” He chuckled. “I use it as a shelf now.”

“Relatable,” Daniel said, remembering how long it had taken him to unpack his luggage after moving to Amsterdam, even though there was nothing left for him in Canada. He raised his beer in the air. “Here’s to all the wayward birds.”

Yang’s lips curled into a wan smile as their eyes met, an unspoken understanding passing between them. He clinked his glass bottle against Daniel’s.

“Hope one day they’ll find their homes.”

“That building at the end of the street is the famous Arrow Tower.” Yang pointed down the pedestrian street, his voice loud enough that it could be heard over the buzzing crowd. Since they were nearby, Yang had suggested a stroll through Qianmen Street after dinner, but it seemed that everyone else in Beijing had the exact same idea.

“That’s nice,” Daniel gave his go-to one-liner while trying not to think about the crowds swarming around them like quicksand and how he was stuck. The ancient military structure stared back at him with its rows of square windows, like a hundred-eyed monster.

Daniel’s thoughts drifted back to Tiananmen Square.

“Something wrong?” Yang asked, his brows knitted.

“Not at all,” Daniel said with a smile like everything was all good and he wasn’t longing for a reprieve from the crowd. He was well practiced at pretending to be okay.

“You know what? This place is more touristy than I remembered. We don’t need to see another McDonald’s. Let’s head back.” Yang guided Daniel with a gentle but firm hand. He steered them down a side alley, extricating them from the busy pedestrian street and onto a quiet tree-lined avenue.

One street over made all the difference as the crowd disappeared. Daniel let out a breath as they came to a stop under a ginkgo tree.

Yang turned to him. “Now can you stop pretending to be fine?”

“I wasn’t pretending …”

“Yes you were,” Yang said, though his scrunched brows made it look more like a reprimand.

“Look, I didn’t want to make you change plans to accommodate me,” Daniel said, his voice quiet. “I had it handled.”

“Hey, don’t worry about that.” Yang’s brows softened. He reached for Daniel’s hand but stopped himself. “When two people are together, if one of them is not okay, they change plans.”

“But then the other one would just get resentful.” Daniel thought about Taylor. How he’d sigh. The cold shoulder he’d give.

“You are talking about your ex.”

Daniel made a point of not telling anyone why they’d broke up, not so much out of consideration for Taylor but out of self-preservation. Poppy had managed to pry it out of him after they had one too many drinks while on the phone. Then Daniel bought his ticket to Beijing.

“We didn’t work,” Daniel said simply, looking away. Above them, the fan-shaped leaves of the ginkgo tree fluttered in the breeze. “And he found someone better.”

While we were technically still together.

“Someone better for him, you mean?” Yang’s voice was hard.

Daniel just shrugged. He didn’t just mean that Taylor had found someone better for him. He meant better. Period. Because some people were simply better than others. He was there when Taylor first met Noah at that party, the one Daniel hadn’t even wanted to go to. Saw the way Noah radiated the kind of confidence that only someone who was up for anything could have. The way they just clicked on every level …

The two of them were already making grand plans to go to places. Places that involved too many bodies jam-packed into too small of a space. Places that were too loud. Too dirty. Too much.

Noah was spontaneous. He wasn’t broken.

“He’s better off now. We both are,” Daniel offered lamely.

Yang’s brows drew together tighter at Daniel’s words, his eyes dark and burning. Maybe he was annoyed, and that dreadful sigh was just around the corner, but then his hand found Daniel’s. “Believe me when I say this … You deserve better.”

They were standing so close together. For the briefest second, he saw the struggle on Yang’s face, like he wanted to lean in and reassure Daniel with his lips instead of his words. Yang had said deserve like they weren’t just talking in past tense about an expired relationship where Daniel deserved better, but rather as if Daniel was worthy and deserving in the present and future.

Then abruptly, Yang stepped away, letting go of Daniel’s hand and leaving him feeling … decidedly undeserving.