Page 151 of Poet & Protector

“So, tonight.”

“Um…”

While he chewed on his lower lip, I continued. “You, Bryn, me, and Nev would leave. And go where?”

“It wouldn’t only be the four of us,” Ansel said.

“It wouldn’t?” That was unexpected.

Ansel’s voice became even more strained. “I don’t think Calla wants this union, Mason. She’s in love with Shay, I’m almost sure of it. I want to help her…and Shay. I like him.”

Whoa. He’d mentioned his concerns about Calla and Ren before, but in a more speculative way and before Shay became a fixture in our lives. Now he sounded convinced. This was an even bigger catastrophe than I had imagined. I tried to come up with a way to let Ansel down easy. His plan would get us all killed. If anyone besides me found out he was even thinking along these lines, he was done for.

“Ansel, Shay isn’t one of us,” I reminded him. “We might have a chance of making it as wolves, living and hiding in the wilderness, but he’s human.”

“Calla could turn him,” Ansel countered. “If she loves him, she’ll want to.”

“Turn him?” I shook my head slowly. “It’s too dangerous, for all of us. I think you know that, Ansel. As much as it means to me that you’d even consider trying to help Nev and me get away from Logan, it would cost our pack too much.”

“What if Calla already…” He averted his gaze.

“You think Calla’s done something?” My skin prickled.

He was silent for a long moment, then shook his head quickly. “No. Never mind. I’m just talking.”

I sensed he was evading my question but chose to ignore that.

“Even if Calla has fallen for Shay and wanted to turn him, she couldn’t,” I said. “The Keepers would never allow that. He’s not supposed to know anything about us. We don’t even know who Shay is to them, only that Logan ordered us to keep him safe.”

“I can’t stand it, Mason.” He grabbed fistfuls of his hair, tugging the strands in frustration. “After tomorrow, he’ll be our master. He’ll…”

He already had. Maybe the worst hadn’t happened yet, but there was no stopping it. I couldn’t tell Ansel that. It would break him.

Ansel looked at me, his eyes huge. “You really don’t want to leave?”

I had to steady myself before I could answer him, adding a resolve to my voice I didn’t feel. Any sign of doubt and Ansel would jump on it. I couldn’t let him keep putting himself in harm’s way for my sake.

“I can’t go there, Ansel. There’s no point.”

I didn’t believe we would make it if we ran, wolves or not. Too much focus was on the new Haldis pack. There would be no opportunity to sneak away…unless…maybe after the union…

God, I was starting to think like Ansel. I couldn’t do that. We were Guardians. We were in the middle of a war with stakes bigger than any of our personal desires. Our pack was being created because of how important our fight against the Searchers was.

My mother’s voice echoed in my mind. Guardians can never be selfish. Even after all these years those words were seared onto my brain.

She’d made me repeat the phrase back to her, again and again. At the time, it was because I didn’t want a mate, but that dictate extended far beyond sex and love. Guardians were created to fight for the Keepers. The Witches’ War was about so much more than us.

It was too easy to get caught up in our own wants and dreams, but how much did those things matter when weighed against the fate of the whole world?

I had to believe our loyalty, our service to the Keepers, was worth it even when the sacrifices they demanded of us were so…I cut off that train of thought.

Protecting Haldis had to be more important than anything else. Keeping our sacred calling in focus was the only thing that might spare my sanity.

And while I might not be able to save myself, I could help Ansel. I could end Sabine’s suffering. Logan had made that brutally clear. He would protect Sabine from his father. He would take advice from our alphas, and more than likely Ansel and Bryn would be paired up, but their chances of being mated were practically guaranteed if I gave Logan what he wanted. But only if Ansel didn’t get in his own way.

“You can’t forget what it means to be a Guardian, Ansel,” I said quietly, speaking the words aloud as much for myself as him. “Who we are is more than mates and masters.”

He bit his lip. “I know.”