Page 69 of Mail-Order Lady

She stayed quiet beside him, so he pushed on.

“God doesn’t want perfect. He wants whatever you have when you come to him. Even if it’s a mess. He mostly wants an open heart. Someone who is willing to trade control over their lives for the very best God has for them, which is so much better.”

Even as he spoke the words, their weight pressed in on his conscience. Willing to trade control. That was the part he always struggled with. Maybe what he’d been struggling with the most lately.

“Interesting.” The way she said the word sounded like she was thinking through all he’d said.

They walked a few more minutes in quiet, and she didn’t ask any more questions. Maybe that was enough for tonight.

He let himself breathe in the peace around them.

But they were nearing the yard. He needed to tell her about the story. Now. Before he lost his nerve.

“There’s, um, something I need to tell you.” He drew in a breath and worked to get the words out. “I read your story. Part of it anyway.”

She went still beside him. Not pulling away, but the easy rhythm of her steps faltered. Her fingers loosened on his arm.

He kept his gaze forward, toward the shape of the house and the barn. If he looked at her now, he might lose his nerve completely. “I didn’t mean to. Not at first. I saw it on the desk and read the opening line before I realized what it was.” His chest pressed tight. “I should have stopped then. I know I should have. But I read more.”

The silence stretched between them. Her hand hadn’t moved from his arm, but she’d stopped walking. He made himself turn to face her.

Even in the moonlight, he could see the flush rising in her cheeks. Not the pleased kind from when he’d kissed her. This looked more like embarrassment. Or maybe fear.

“How much did you read?” She turned to look to the side, not meeting his gaze.

“Not all of it. A couple pages.” He worked moisture into his mouth. “The princess in the castle. The locked gates. Her sister who climbed the walls and brought back stories. Then the sister offering to help her open the gate.”

She pulled her hand away from his arm and wrapped both arms around herself. The loss of her touch made his insides ache.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have read it without asking. But Clara...” How could he find the right way to say this? “I’m glad I got to read it.”

Her gaze finally lifted to his, and the moonlight caught in her eyes. The embarrassment was still there, but something else flickered behind it. Something that looked almost like hope.

“You are?”

“Yes. I’m glad I got to see that part of you.”

She studied his face, and he held her gaze. He wasn’t good with words, not like she was. But he could let her see the truth in what he’d just said. If only he could say more.

At last, she nodded and turned toward the house. “We should get inside. I told Bea I would spell her for a while.”

She didn’t sound hurt or like she was trying to end the conversation. Maybe that was enough then. This had been a nice reprieve. A precious few minutes with the woman who filled every other thought in his day.

But now they had to face the pressures that waited in the house. And maybe even in these very shadows.

CHAPTER 21

Nathan’s fever had mostly faded.

Clara pressed her needle through the fabric in her lap—one of Enoch’s shirts that had torn under the arm—as Kate sat beside her on the settee, humming. The sound soothed her like a warm blanket. Kate was sitting upright today, a little color in her cheeks, working her needle through a tiny gown for the baby.

The main room felt almost normal. Almost peaceful.

Clara pulled the thread through and started the next stitch. Her mind had already wandered to the pages waiting in Robert’s study. She’d been working out how to add Nathan into her story—the lost prince who’d been taken by pirates, who’d survived against impossible odds. The way he watched everyone at meals with a careful wariness. The way he seemed to be always bracing for rejection, even as he tried to belong.

She could see it so clearly in her mind. The words practically wrote themselves.

But the mending needed finishing first. And she couldn’t leave Kate, even though she seemed stronger today.