Page 122 of You’re So Vein

I’m so numb from the first sentence that it takes me a moment to register her second. “You’re kicking me out?”

“Komal, you gave up so much to come home and help us. And it has been wonderful having you here, especially when we thought that your father would recover. But the cancer has spread again, and you can’t put your life on hold indefinitely for us, or for your sister.”

Raw panic rises in my throat. “You don’t want me?”

I’ve done everything they asked for, and it’s still not enough.

“That’s not what I’m saying at all. Tell me, why did you want to be mayor?” she asks. “Why did you want more responsibility when you were already doing so much?”

I screw up my face. “I like feeling useful.”

“Because you think you failed us, especially your father. And the only way to stop feeling guilty over that is to find another project to succeed at. Papa never should have encouraged you, but he was feeling his own guilt over disappointing everyone.” She tsks. “You think I don’t recognise myself in you? Why do you think I am the way I am? I never wanted to be a wife floating around after her husband. That’s why Chirag fell in love with me, because I know my own mind. I wanted to show you girls that you can have a vibrant, beautiful life without giving your whole self to your family. You have to save a little for you. It kills me to think that in doing something for myself, I placed the burden of our household onto my daughter.”

I sniff. “You were never a burden to me, Mamma.”

“Stop trying to spare everyone’s feelings! You ran our lives while I grew my real estate business, and then we made you feel guilty for joining the RAF because we were afraid for you. Now, you’re running our lives again. We will still love you even if you say, ‘I can’t do any more!’ You have put your life on hold for long enough.”

“But Papa… Preeti and the boys… all of…” I gesture around the messy kitchen, the haphazard gifts of flowers from Papa’s friends and family, his medicines on the bench and wheelchair in the corner. “This.”

“All of this is life, my daughter. Sometimes it doesn’t go the way you want. But you can’t keep trying to fix it. I think that it’s time the Ahuja women admitted that we need help. I’m hiring Dolly Auntie to do the cleaning and laundry, and your sister is going to cut back her hours at the clinic to spend more time with the boys. This is good for all of us. All that’s left is for you to do what’s good for you. Whatever you choose to do, we’re proud of you. So, so proud.”

“Aw, Mamma.” I sniff. Her words sing in my veins.

We’re proud of you.

I needed those words. I can’t be brave without them.

Mamma folds me into her arms, and I remember being young and naive and thinking my parents would always be there. And maybe I’m learning in the worst way possible that they won’t always be, and nothing I do can stop that, but it doesn’t change the fact that Papa is proud of me, as I am of him.

But that leaves me with a strange question. What do I want to do?

I thought I had my life all figured out. I thought I’d be mayor, and that I’d stay here in Argleton and make this town amazing and…

I haven’t felt so certain about anything in so long – that I could set aside the pain of not being able to have children of my own and embrace a new family; the cutest half-vampire, and the sweetest, most infuriating Upyr alive.

But all of that was a lie. So where does that leave me?

A knock at the front door startles me from my thoughts. Mamma yells, “It’s open!” and a moment later, Beth appears at the door. Mamma makes herself scarce.

“I brought brownies.” Beth holds out a tray.

“No thanks.”

We haven’t talked about my outburst yesterday. My friends held me in the bookshop until I stopped crying, and then Maisie dropped me home, but no one mentioned the things I said. And I was harshest to Beth. We’ve always been close, but these last few weeks I’ve felt like she’s been using me, and her dislike and distrust of Augustin have worn me down, and her inability to trust me to make the right decisions… she was right about that. But I was right about the things I said, too.

She takes a tentative step into the kitchen, shoving the tray forward like it’s a shield from my wrath.

“Please take them. They’re apology brownies.” She slides the tray across the kitchen table and slumps into the chair opposite me. “They were supposed to be celebratory brownies, but… I swear I didn’t put any mushrooms in them.”

Gingerly, I pick up one of the gooey squares and place it on my tongue.

I immediately gag and spit it out. “Beth… that’s not a brownie. That’s a hate crime. What did you put in it?”

“Some of my Healing Elixir. I wanted to help you get over your heartache.” Beth sinks down in her chair. “I’m so sorry, Komal. I’m not here to say ‘I told you so’ about Augustin. I worried about him, but I never wanted you to get your heart broken. And I’m sorry about all the other stuff, too. I was pressuring you too much about becoming mayor. I wanted to do everything I could to help you succeed because I honestly think you’re exactly what the village – and the vampires – need. But I let my own resentment over my studio being burned down by a vampire seep into that. I didn’t mean to make you feel used.”

She reaches across the table and squeezes my hand. “You’re one of the most important people in the world to me. I never want you to feel like I don’t see you. From now on, I’m Team Komal, which means Team-Let-Komal-Decide-Her-Own-Path-Instead-Of-Bulldozing-Over-Her-For-My-Own-Needs.”

“I appreciate that.” I smile back. “Although, right now I’ll settle for Team-Komal-Needs-A-Hug.”