Page 46 of Off Sides

“I was thinking about how I never really let myself think about having this before.”

The teasing tone is gone now. He seems to be thinking really hard over there. “Yeah. I get that.”

I smile at him, not trying to be cruel but not really sure he can get that. Jonah is just . . . free. I can’t imagine another version of him where he wasn’t. “Were you out at your old school?”

He uses his free hand to brush my hair back, his fingers feeling like heaven weaving through my loose strands. “I didn’t hide who I was. I fooled around with a few guys who were also gay or bi. But there was no official coming out or anything.”

“And they were all cool with it?”

He shrugs, not seeming like I’m pushing him too hard or like he’s uncomfortable. “Mostly. There were a few idiots here and there who thought they needed to say something, but for the most part, people were cool. It was a big town.”

I nod. Not like Big Bend. “You ever get tired of it?” I can tell he’s hesitant to ask, and I also know exactly what he’s talking about.

“Everyone pretty much knows.” I still can’t say the words, but it’s not like we don’t both know what I’m saying.

“Not your family.” It’s a statement and one I expect.

I shake my head anyway. “No. They can’t know.”

“Why not?” It’s an innocent question with real curiosity. He’s not trying to be an asshole but wants to understand. If only I can make it make sense to him.

“My grandfather quit high school his senior year. Said he already knew what he was going to do for the rest of his life and didn’t need it.” He’s listening intently, letting me speak now as he rolls to his side and props his head up on his hand. “He started Duke Drilling that same year. Just him and three employees, one being my grandmother who was his secretary.”

“Were they already a couple?”

I nod. “Yeah, she was a year older than him and had already graduated. They got married a started the business. Had my dad within the year too.”

“Wow.” He says it with no judgment.

“It was hard. I hear the story all time. They lived in a little apartment above the first Duke Dilling office for two years as they got the business going. It grew though. And grew. Now it’s pretty much the only drilling company around. Everyone here winds up there if they don’t go to college or go into farming.”

He scoots closer to me, laying his head on my chest, and I welcome him with an arm curled around his side. “So he’s a big deal.”

“The Duke name is a big deal. And they give money to the local churches. They give turkeys away at Thanksgiving and Christmas. They do a haunted house with lots of candy on Halloween. They are Big Bend.”

“So no one in that family can be gay?”

I swallow hard, the word for some reason being my Achilles heel. I don’t know why. “No. I remember growing up, always hearing about how being gay was a sin. How marriage is only between a man and a woman. About how I better grow up and marry a nice girl. Have lots of babies.”

“That’s a lot of pressure.”

I smile sadly. “Yeah. My grandparents could only have one child. My grandpa was upset when my parents stopped at two. He wants lots of heirs, I guess.”

His fingers start to trail over my stomach, light as feather, but making my body come alive. “It’s not your responsibility, and gay people can have families. They do it all the time.”

“I know that,” I say because I do know that. “They would never accept me.”

He peers up at me, not lifting his head. “Do you think they’d hurt you?”

“No,” I say easily because neither my grandfather or my father have ever laid a hand on me. “At least not my grandpa or dad.”

He frowns. “Curtis.”

I shrug. “That’s just big brother stuff.”

He cocks his head to the side, clearly a little annoyed. “Micah has never hurt me.”

“I didn’t say he hurt me, Jonah. He puts me headlocks and shoves me around sometimes. He doesn’t really hurt me.”