Page 21 of Off Sides

He huffs and drops his arms to his sides. “But you don’t need to tell me that. Can’t we just like play a game or watch a movie or something? We don’t have to sit here and spill our guts out, do we?”

Okay . . . so my rash way of doing things isn’t going to work with him, I’m starting to see. I mean, I really thought if he knew I was gay, maybe he could relax a little around me. Knowing I wasn’t going to tease him for whatever the school thinks they know.

But it’s abundantly clear now that it’s not going to work like that. He still doesn’t trust me.

“I’m sorry,” I say, kind of hating myself for telling him I’m gay, but I have to remind myself that I’m not apologizing for being gay. I’m apologizing for telling him before he was ready.

I guess.

That still sounds kind of fucked up.

“We could play Fortnite?” It comes out as a timid question, but hey, I’m grasping at straws here.

That finally gets him to relax and take a breath, sitting shakily down at my desk again. “Okay.”

Okay, so we’re going to take this slow. Really, really slow.

CHAPTER TEN

calvin

So I guess we’re friends . . .

I don’t know how or why I let this happen, all I know is when I saw him hit the ground like he did on Monday at practice, I had never felt fear like that before.

It makes no sense. I don’t know him. But I know I wanted more than anything for him to be okay.

And he just won’t stop. I’ve never known anyone like him before. Someone so free and open. Someone who seems to trust so easily and care so deeply for a total stranger. I’d probably think he was a weirdo or something—like unnaturally obsessed with me for whatever reason—but I’ve watched him around school. He’s nice to everyone.

Some rowdy guys knocked books out of the hand of some girl last week and just kept on going, but Jonah couldn’t. He stopped and helped her, then walked her to class, all while chatting away with her.

The guy makes no sense.

But I’ve spent every evening at his house this week so far, and it seems like the whole family might be that way. I’ve stayed for dinner, sitting with Jonah’s nieces, brother, and sister-in-law. They’re all so nice.

The conversation is—different from what I’m used to. I don’t really know how to describe it, but it’s like Coach and his wife truly care about what their daughters want out of life. Jonah too.

They don’t push them, but they ask questions. Both girls are so young, but they talk so freely. I’m still getting used to it.

“You coming over?” Jonah asks as we walk out to the parking lot after practice. I realize I want so badly to say yes, but the conversation I had with my mother before I left for school today is still ringing in my ears.

She not so subtly let on that she’s annoyed that I haven’t been home for dinner at all this week. And the last thing I need is anyone asking questions at home.

“I can’t.”

Jonah stops walking, his eyes darting around the parking lot, like he’s looking to check if we’re alone—we are. We stayed to help clean up the locker room and already assessed the parking lot as soon as we got through the doors. “Why not?” He’s hesitant, not aggressive. Just curious, but there’s a hint of worry.

Like I’m going to push him away, and honestly, I could. Any day now. I can see myself freaking about hanging out with him. Especially after he told me that he’s . . . I can’t even think about it.

“My mom is making dinner and is . . .” I don’t know why I don’t want him to know that I can’t have her asking questions. I mean, I’m sure he knows why. He knows I’m terrified of . . . so many things. I can’t even say the word. I can’t allow myself to think too hard about it.

“She wants you home tonight,” he says simply.

I let out a relieved puff of air. He seems to be hellbent on letting me off the hook, and like the coward I am, I let him. “Yeah.”

He doesn’t ask me any more questions than that. Just accepts it. “And tomorrow is our first game.”

I nod, a little rush of excitement running through me because I really do love the game itself—just not the people I play it with. “Yeah.”