Page 50 of Death Kiss

My legs buckle, and I catch myself against the bed, trying to find my breath. There’s nothing but pain where it should be.

‘I need help in here,’ Kim calls out, and I try to shake my head. I want to explain.

‘Help me,’ I say, taking another tiny step toward the door.

Then there are more of them, swarming me like ants. Hands pushing me back toward the bed. My thrashing is weak and inefficient, but I keep trying. I have to get to Kat. To stop her.

Kim is talking to me, soft and firm, but I can’t focus on the words. There’s a sharp pain in my left thigh, and I look down to see a needle in my flesh.

‘No—’ I shout. Except my shout is slurred.

Hands lower me into the bed as I lose the fight against whatever they’ve injected into me. My vision blurs as my limbs become useless. I feel like I’ve been disconnected from my body, and it’s terrifying.

I’m all too aware of them talking around me. Tutting while they clean up the mess I made and reinsert my cannula. Humiliation washes over me as they strip me naked and scrub me down before fitting me into a fresh gown.

My body is no longer under my control. I have no voice. No autonomy. I can’t help Kat.

The ceiling stares down at me in ageing squares of white while nurses move around me. They tighten straps I can’t feel around me, fastening me to the bed.

As they leave, I scream at them inside my head. Beg them not to leave me like this. It’s like being held underwater.

No one can hear me scream.

TWENTY-TWO

FREDDIE

Ellie’s hair cascades over my chest as she lies beside me, both of us collapsed on her bed. It’s silky soft between my fingers as I trail from tress to tress in the quiet bliss of after.

I can’t help but touch her. It’s like a compulsion at this point. Which is crazy, because I came into this looking for information, and suddenly I’m caught in a messy web that I fear will hurt us both soon enough.

Somewhere between the first lemonade in the pub and this moment, my motivation has muddied. Do I still want to break this case and be the first to publish the scoop? Absolutely. Do I want to do it more than I want to keep Ellie from being hurt again? Unknown.

We’ve only just started getting to know one another. That’s not something to throw a story like this away for. If I can actually find out what the story is. The truth that seems to be lurking under a murky surface, just out of reach.

My mind drifts to the scene of the most recent murder. At first, there were rumours of an accident, but I heard first-hand when the firemen discussed piled-up cushions and a body with fresh blood beneath it. Burnt to a crisp? Yes, but no one doubted it was an accident.

And the detective was there. Ashworth. I saw him from where I lurked in the neighbours' bushes, surreptitiously snapping a few photographs. The way he slammed the door in my face has him high on my shit list too. Sure, being a reporter was often seen as barely a step up from being a cockroach, but still. The police usually understand. We have a mutually beneficial relationship. Sometimes.

But this Ashworth fucker has been impossible to reach. He looks like a sleazy fucker too. One of those guys who makes your skin crawl when he looks at you for too long.

Ellie’s scrolling her phone idly as we relax, finding our voices again post coitus. Eventually, she rolls onto her stomach and faces me.

‘I still feel guilty,’ she says, her eyes bewitching me all over again with those thick lashes. ‘About Sam. Here I am smiling again with you, and he’s still missing. I don’t know if I’m stupid for not moving on fully, or evil for not waiting.’

I trace my fingers up her arm, the skin there so soft. ‘You’re only human, Ellie. How are any of us supposed to know how to act in a situation like that?’

‘He’s not coming back, is he?’

‘I very much doubt it.’ Few people disappear into thin air with no bank activity and resurface again. The odds are incredibly slim.

‘Is it bad that even if he does, I don’t think I could be with him again?’

It’d be great for me…

‘Whatever’s happened to him, you don’t owe him anything. You guys only dated for a few weeks, and you can’t hold on indefinitely. Well, I guess you could, but you only live once, and you deserve to live big.’

Ellie tips her head into my touch before crawling up beside me and resting her cheek on my bare chest. ‘I’m not sure he was even that into me, looking back.’