Page 48 of Family Secrets in Inishbeg Cove

‘I’ve ordered a taxi to come from Ballymcconnell and it will take me back to Dublin. I can get taxis around Dublin until I’m off these things. I’ll be perfectly able to manage at home, even the stairs, now that I’m used to life on one foot. Isn’t it funny how things all work out in the end?’ she went on gleefully.

The girls stood there, stock still, not sharing her excitement.

‘What’s wrong?’ Madeleine’s face clouded over. ‘I thought you’d be happy for me.’

‘We are … but what about our plans for Christmas?’ Faith said.

‘Don’t worry, I’ll get a taxi back down again tomorrow after my meeting and we’ll all be together for Christmas Day.’

‘But all those taxis across the country will cost you a fortune!’

‘Well, I don’t have any other option, unless one of you wants to drive me,’ she replied pointedly. ‘Look, it’s only for one night. You’ll probably be glad to be rid of me for a bit.’ She tittered.

They hadn’t seen their mother this animated in a long time. ‘I promise, girls, if I get this job, we will have a Christmas to remember!’ She sounded giddy with happiness.

‘But what about Lucy?’ Faith protested.

Madeleine looked at her blankly. ‘What about her?’

‘Well, she’s going through a hard time and she needs you!’

Madeleine’s face fell. ‘It’s only until tomorrow. I’m sure she’ll be fine without me until I get back, Faith,’ she replied dismissively.

‘Don’t worry about me,’ Lucy replied, full of vitriol. ‘Don’t let me get in your way. If you want to go back to Dublin, just go.’

36

Lucy stood at the window, looking out across the headland. The emerald grass was shaded with a slate-grey sky where storm clouds threatened snow.

‘I can’t believe she’s really gone,’ Faith said, shaking her head despondently as they watched their mother’s taxi disappear around a bend. ‘I thought she had enjoyed spending time with us over the last few weeks. I really believed she had changed.’

‘So did I,’ Lucy admitted. ‘She had me fooled too. I thought her priorities had finally shifted, but clearly I was deluding myself. Now it seems as though she was just biding her time before running back to work.’

‘We should have known that work would always come first for Mum,’ Faith spat.

Lucy couldn’t bear seeing the sadness on her sister’s face. ‘Look…’ She tried to cheer her up. ‘Mum swore that she’d be back tomorrow, so we’ll still all be together for the big day. That’s the main thing. She’ll only be gone for one night.’

But it wasn’t just this time. They could each remember so many times their mother had let them down when they needed her. And this reminded them of all those times. Lucy vividly remembered being dropped off at boarding school at the age of twelve, and the crushing despair she had felt as her mother went to leave. Faith had sobbed as she hugged her goodbye, and refused to get back into their mother’s car. Lucy could remember how her little sister had clung tightly to her until their mother had grown frustrated and prised Faith’s fingers off her and told her it was time to go. Lucy had had no choice but to put on a brave face for Faith’s sake, but inside she had been just as devastated. It was only when she watched her mum drive back down the avenue that she’d allowed herself to cry. She had been brutally homesick for the first few months, even though her mother phoned often and she was allowed home for a weekend once a month. She began to hate going home because it meant she would soon have to prepare to say goodbye all over again. It was almost easier to stay in school and just get on with it. Whenever her mother called, she would put on a brave face and tell her she was having a great time, but she lied for Faith’s sake; she couldn’t bear to think of her little sister at home worrying about her. Faith had joined her at the boarding school two years later, but that was far less traumatic because they had each another. Although they were in different dormitories, the sisters banded together and school became a home away from home for them.

Lucy couldn’t help thinking about all the school plays and concerts she had performed in over the years, knowing her mother wasn’t in the audience. She was always ‘too busy’ to make the time to come. When Faith had been rushed to hospital with appendicitis, it was Elizabeth who had stayed in the hospital with her, not Madeleine. This certainly wasn’t the first time their mother had let them down, so why was it such a disappointment?

Just then Lucy felt so tired, heavy and tired. Like the swollen clouds that threatened snow beyond the window, she couldn’t hold it together any longer. She flopped down on to the sofa.

‘Hey, what’s the matter?’ Faith asked, rushing over and sitting beside her.

‘It feels like everything is falling apart.’ Lucy choked back tears. ‘Maybe it’s my hormones, but I just feel like everything is going wrong, and then I feel guilty because for the last few years having a baby was all I wanted so why am I not happy? What’s wrong with me?’

Lucy knew that Faith wasn’t used to seeing her getting upset. Lucy was always the strong one, the one who held it together, while Faith crumbled when things went wrong – but now their roles had been reversed.

‘I’m sorry. I don’t like letting you see me like this.’ She tried to wipe away her tears but there were more to replace them.

‘Hey, stop that. You don’t have to be the strong one for my sake,’ Faith said, stepping into the role of comforter. ‘You always take care of me, so let me take care of you for a change. What is it? What’s wrong? Is this about Mum – or something else?’

‘It’s everything,’ Lucy sobbed. ‘Losing Nanna, Mum choosing work over us once again, and the situation with Kyle.’

‘Grief is the price we pay for love, unfortunately, but Nanna wouldn’t want you to be sad,’ Faith said softly.

‘I know,’ Lucy said, wiping her eyes again but, damn it, the tears kept coming.