Page 67 of Coming Home to Inishbeg Cove

Chapter 45

Penny

Senan’s eyelids grew heavy and drooped closed before he startled awake again. He was trying his best to stay awake, but he clearly needed rest.

‘Why don’t you go and lie down on the chairs in the waiting room and get some sleep? You’ve been awake for over thirty-six hours. I promise I’ll call you if there’s any change, no matter how small.’ I had suggested this to him several times already, but he had refused every time.

He blinked once more. ‘Okay, maybe I will. But please, if there is any change, come and get me no matter what. Promise?’

‘Of course I will,’ I agreed.

They had stopped the sedation several hours ago, and now it was just a waiting game. I knew the medical team was keen to see signs of Tadgh waking up. Dr McGowan had said the preliminary scan results from his brain and spinal cord looked good, but we couldn’t get our hopes up until he woke. He told us that the faster he came around, the better his prognosis would be. They had explained to us that it was important to keep talking to him, even when it might feel pointless – often patients in a coma could hear their loved ones’ voices, so Senan and I took it in turns to fill the silence in the room with silly stories and anecdotes that, under ordinary circumstances, we knew Tadgh would find funny.

The time we had spent at Tadgh’s bedside had allowed me to think. How ironic life was: I had finally realised what I wanted but, now that I had found it, I was so close to losing it again. I loved Tadgh. I knew that, I had always known it, but I had spent so long trying to suppress those feelings. Now that I was alone with him, I finally had a chance to say what I had wanted to for so long.

‘I feel like I have so much to tell you,’ I began. ‘I’m sure you guessed because I’m still here. I stayed in the village ... I couldn’t leave in the end. I told Joe that our marriage is over. And, by the way, you were right about the timing never being right for us, because here I am, ready and waiting for you, and you’re in a coma... It feels like the odds are always stacked against us. But Tadgh, I want you to know that I love you. I always have. They say you never forget your first love, but it’s more than that with us... No one compares to you. I’m sorry it took me so long to get it together, but I promise you, if you just wake up – and of course if you’ll still have me – I’m all yours. I think the timing could finally be right for us... Come on, Tadgh.’ I squeezed his hand, using as much pressure as I dared. ‘I need you to wake up.’

Tears rolled down my face and landed on the white sheets as I talked. ‘Come on, Tadgh,’ I begged. ‘Let’s do this, let’s finally give us a chance.’

Nurses came in periodically to check on him. Each time they would lift his lids and shine a torch into his eyes to see if his pupils responded, or sometimes they would gently call his name to see if he could hear them, but then they would shake their head at me, looking disappointed, before leaving the room once more.

Senan came back into the room a while later. I knew by the short length of time he had been gone that he hadn’t slept properly.

‘Any change?’ he asked, hope filling his red-rimmed eyes.

‘No, but the nurse said it’s still early days. He just needs more time.’

He nodded and took the chair beside mine at Tadgh’s bedside.

‘Did you sleep?’ I asked.

He shook his head. His dark, wavy hair, so like Tadgh’s, stuck up chaotically and dark circles hung beneath his eyes.

‘You know, he was my idol when I was growing up,’ he said. ‘I was too young to have proper memories of our parents before they died, but I can’t remember ever feeling as though I was missing out and that was because of Tadgh – in fact, I thought it was kinda cool having my older brother bring me to school and pick me up. My friends used to be so jealous of me.’ He laughed before growing serious once more and turning towards me. ‘What if he doesn’t come through this, Penny? What will I do without him? He’s not just a brother; he’s like my mother and father. He’s my whole family – he’s everything to me.’ He shook his head. ‘I never told him that. I wish I had…’ He broke down into heaving sobs, and I reached across and put my arm around his shoulders.

‘You mean the world to him too, Senan. He’s always telling me how proud he is of you. Tadgh will get through this; I know he will. I’ve never met anyone with as much determination and grit as he has. Life threw some fairly shitty things on his doorstep and somehow, he’s always managed to pick himself up again. You might not know this, but back when we were teenagers, we had planned to go to college together in Dublin, but then everything changed after your parents’ accident. Tadgh decided to stay in the village to look after you and take on the restaurant, but do you know something? He never once complained. He just took what life threw at him and got on with it. How many other teenagers would be able for that? He’s a rock, and that’s why I know he’s going to get through this. I know he will,’ I said, feeling my determination grow with every word that left my lips.

‘God, I hope you’re right, Penny,’ Senan said, shaking his head.

I felt a presence in the room. When I looked up, a nurse was standing at the end of the bed.

‘I’m sorry, but I need you both to go now and let Tadgh get some rest.’

‘Of course.’ We stood up and kissed Tadgh gently on the forehead before leaving him alone, lost in the depths of his coma.