Page 62 of Coming Home to Inishbeg Cove

Chapter 40

Sarah

It felt as though I was on fire: as if I had been lit from the inside and the flames were spreading throughout my body. The contractions wrapped themselves from the front of my abdomen, around to my back and back out the front again, moving down my body in endless waves.

‘Just one more push, Sarah, and you’ll be holding your baby. I can see a thick head of dark hair. You’re so close now, lovey, come on, you can do it!’ Ciara, my midwife, coached me. They had called Dr McCabe, my obstetrician, and she was on her way apparently. Ciara had been by my side since I had been lifted out of the helicopter and rushed down to the delivery suite, where a team of midwives and paediatricians waited. When she had learnt about Greg, she had quickly shifted from the role of midwife into the role of birthing partner too. She was encouraging me, holding my hand and calming me down when it all felt like too much.

I put my trust in her and did as she instructed. I gritted my teeth and pushed down with all my might, until finally I felt something warm slip out between my legs.

‘It’s a little girl!’ Ciara called out. My heart seemed to expand inside my chest as I caught sight of a tiny pink baby with a shock of dark hair. She was whisked over to one side of the room, where a team in green scrubs were waiting to take care of her. She was so small. I gasped when I saw that she fit into the cupped hands of the paediatrician who had taken her from Ciara. Seconds seemed to last an eternity as I waited to hear her cry but there was just silence.

‘Is she okay?’ I asked Ciara.

‘Sometimes babies born this early can’t cry yet so don’t be alarmed. The team are giving her the best of care. Now, lovey, I’m sorry to have to do this to you again,’ Ciara apologised, ‘but we need to get this other baby out. We don’t want to leave it too long. So I need you to start pushing again, Sarah.’

I was brought back to the reality of the situation. I had to give birth for the second time. My body was shattered after delivering the first twin, and the thought of summoning up all that effort and energy once more was overwhelming.

‘I don’t think I can do it.’ I shook my head and pushed back the damp hair that was matted to the sides of my face.

‘Yes you can, Sarah. I know you’re exhausted, but you’re nearly there now. Your daughter is missing her buddy.’

My daughter. The sweetest words imaginable. The words I had longed to hear for so long.

‘It’ll be the best thing you can do for her,’ Ciara continued. ‘They’re twins – they don’t like being separated.’

I had to find the energy to do this – I had to do it for my babies. For Greg. My need to help my daughters cut deep into my soul. I summoned every ounce of strength I didn’t think I had left and pushed down until I felt a hard roundness between my legs for the second time. I pushed again, the strongest one of all, and felt my second baby slip out of me.

‘Another little girl, Sarah,’ Ciara cried out. ‘Well done, superwoman!’

This time I heard a very weak, primal wail that told me she was here, she was alive, and she needed me. I knew then that she was going to be the bolshy one of the pair. Relief flooded through me. I watched, awestruck, as my second dark-haired beauty was placed alongside her sister. Just as Ciara had promised, both babies began to settle as soon as they were reunited. As the paediatricians took care of them, I was shocked by how tiny they were. Since they were premature, I had expected them to be small, but they were impossibly tiny.

‘Their daddy will be blessed amongst women,’ another of the midwives announced to the room. Ciara glanced nervously at me.

My euphoria was short-lived, as I was suddenly reminded of Greg. In the rush of being airlifted to the hospital, whisked straight to the delivery suite and giving birth to two babies with minutes of arriving, I had been temporarily distracted, but now, as I thought of him lying somewhere unconscious, possibly dead, my happiness evaporated and was replaced with despair. Horrible images flooded my mind. Had he been found? If so, had he been transferred to hospital yet? Or, what if— No, I couldn’t let my head go there just now.

‘Has there been any word yet?’ I asked Ciara. She had told me she would update me as soon as the helicopter carrying Greg, arrived at the hospital. I had made her promise either way that she would tell me the truth: whether it was good news or not, I needed to know how he was.

Ciara shook her head. ‘Not yet, but I’ve flagged it with the Resus team. As soon as that helicopter lands, they’ll let me know. They know how urgent it is.’

I flopped back against the pillows, tears burning in my eyes.

‘It might not be as bad as you think, lovey,’ Ciara assured me, ‘so try to stay positive.’

I could tell she was anxious too and was just saying it to make me feel better.

‘Now we need you to say goodbye to these little ladies for a while. The paeds are going to take them up to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.’

‘Will they be okay?’ I asked.

‘They’re in the best hands, Sarah. You have to remember they are very premature, and they need help with their breathing. Unfortunately there are no guarantees with babies born at this gestation, but the team will do everything that they can for them.’

A tear wound its way down my face as they wheeled my babies out of the room. I didn’t think I had ever felt so alone. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Somehow one of the best moments of my life had become one of the worst. I sank down in the bed, exhausted. My heart was sore for Greg. He should have been there. I needed him right now. He would have been overjoyed to see his daughters being born.

I knew bad news was coming. I could feel it looming ahead of me, like an oncoming train. I was sure I’d caught a glimpse of it on Ciara’s face earlier – I think she already knew Greg’s fate, but she didn’t want to tell me just yet.