Page 31 of Coming Home to Inishbeg Cove

‘I know we were only teenagers,’ he continued, ‘but we were so good together, you and me. When you broke up with me that day in the cove, I thought my world had ended.’

‘Really?’ I was shocked by his admission. For years I had thought breaking up with me was what he wanted.

‘I didn’t see it coming,’ he went on.

‘I never wanted to break up with you, Tadgh.’

‘Well then, why did you do it?’

‘You had so much on your plate after your parents died, with Senan and the restaurant, and I thought I was getting in your way...’

‘I thought you didn’t love me any more.’

I shook my head. ‘I was devastated, Tadgh. I thought if I suggested we take a break, it would make you realise how far we had slipped away from one another, but then when you agreed that we should go our separate ways, I was heartbroken. I assumed it was what you wanted but you’d been too afraid to tell me.’

‘I never wanted to lose you, Penny. I really believed you wanted to head off to college in Dublin like a normal teenager without any of the hassle that had landed on my doorstep, and I wouldn’t blame you for that. I should have been honest and fought harder for you, but I was still trying to get my head around losing my parents. I guess my pride was trying to protect me from any more pain...’

‘We were so young, Tadgh. We thought we had life all figured out ... but we hadn’t a clue.’ I looked out over the water.

‘Do you ever wonder what would have happened if we had stayed together?’ he asked. As his bright eyes searched my face, I could see pain in their depths.

I bent down and picked up a pebble and cast it into the inky water. ‘Honestly? Not really. We were just kids.’

‘But what if the timing or circumstances were different? I wonder, would things have worked out for us?’

I shrugged. ‘Who knows? Maybe we would have stayed together and have had ten children, or maybe we would still have broken up eventually. It’s not Sliding Doors – we don’t get to watch the other version of our lives.’

‘In some ways, being with you now, it’s almost like we’ve never been apart.’

I knew what he meant. Since I had bumped into him on the beach with Lucy that day, it was as if we had taken straight up from where we had left off all those years ago. To Tadgh, I was my younger self: I was young, fun-loving, fearless Penny. I wasn’t the woman who no longer knew who she was or where she belonged. I missed the safety of our teenage days and the version of me that Tadgh had loved. I wanted to be that girl once more. Suddenly I longed for the familiarity of his touch. I found myself reaching forward and cupping his face in my hands. I tilted my face up towards his and waited to feel the reassurance of his soft lips against mine. I searched for the mouth I had once known so well, but his lips weren’t there. Instead, I was met with cold air as Tadgh pulled back from me.

Immediately I dropped my hands and stepped back from him.

‘Penny, I’m sorry,’ he said, not looking me in the eye.

‘It’s okay. I shouldn’t have done that – I don’t know what came over me.’ I was mortified. Damn it to hell, what was I thinking? Even though Joe and I were going through a difficult patch, we were still married. The prosecco had obviously gone straight to my head. I began to hurry towards the path through the dunes that led back up to the village. Tadgh strode after me.

‘I’d better go. Mam is probably waiting up for me,’ I said when we had reached the main street. The place was quiet; everyone was tucked up in bed after the festivities.

‘I’ll walk you home.’

‘No, honestly, it’s okay,’ I mumbled without meeting his eye. I turned away from him. His rejection was almost worse than my embarrassment at my attempted kiss. I could feel it burn its way down inside me, crawling around underneath my skin.

‘Penny, wait—’ he called after me as I hurried down the main street towards my parents’ house, but I had to escape from him – and my humiliation.