Page 100 of The Betrothal

“Fuck them,” I snapped before Seb could interject but my anger was met with quiet chuckles from the men.

“I don’t care, Sugar,” Ben whispered in my ear. “I’ve never met anyone I wanted outside of Seb.” My chest warmed at the admission of how deep and long their affection for each other had run, but then my happiness dipped slightly at how much I wanted to be loved the way they did each other.

I needn’t have even allowed that to factor for me because Ben spoke clearly.

“Until you.” He kissed my head and joy surged. I squeezed them both everywhere I touched them.

“We both feel that way, Killer. And Ben’s not exactly right. There are plenty of women, and men, who hold interest in us, and Mr Personality.” Seb still petted my hair gently as he spoke. “But neither of them notice because they’re unobservant, and frankly reclusive at times.”

Ben murmured an objection.

“And I have to put up with their ongoing advances because this one won’t agree to settle down with me.” Seb’s comment was intended as light-hearted but I could hear the pain in it.

“I’m keeping his options open,” Ben replied.

Seb and I froze.

“Pardon?” I asked.

“Seb has a world of opportunities open to him. I’m not going to let him tie himself to me and this life. Not when he could do anything, go anywhere. His future is so bright.” Ben was so matter-of-fact in his words that I turned to face him.

Seb waited for me to settle before pressing our bodies back together, both of us facing Ben.

“You’re for it now, Benji,” Seb chided, releasing me briefly to reach for something. The blinds lifted a fraction and he wrapped me back up. “I want to be able to see your face for this bollocking.”

Ben’s face was clearer in the sliver of light and I watched him closely; he gave nothing away. No pain or hurt. He believed Seb deserved more than him.

“Benjamin Cavendish.” I used my teacher voice, several years as a doctorate tutor and teaching aide had to matter for something. “How dare you?”

Ben’s features lifted in surprise, maybe he had expected a lecture and my reaction was a shock.

“I don’t know what you mean?” he replied.

“How dare you assume for Seb what he wants or needs?” I asked, my hurt for Seb making me emphatic in my tone. “This man loves you, and has done since he was young, and you choose to keep him at arm’s length because you believe you know better? That you aren’t enough?”

Ben frowned. “I suppose so, yes,” he admitted.

“And you stand by that?” I pressed.

Ben paused to think. “I do believe that, yes.”

“How would you feel if I said the same thing? That I wouldn’t settle down with Seb, if I could.” Seb squeezed me so tightly I had to wait for him to release me to continue. “That he should have more than me? That I wasn’t enough?”

Ben tutted. “That’s not the same.”

“The fuck it isn’t,” Seb jumped in. “You’re as perfect to me as Killer is. We are who we are and I love you because of it, because it is part of you. Just like I love that Killer is wilful and also won’t listen to reason.”

Bugger. “We aren’t talking about me, Seb.” I tried to bring it back on track. “You deserve happiness, Ben. And I know happiness for you is Seb. I saw it the first day I arrived.”

Ben looked distinctly uncomfortable. “It doesn’t change how I feel about what I would choose for Seb.” He paused. “But I understand, Izzy.”

His concern softened and I ran my fingers so gently over his cheekbones, pushing his hair back from his face to look at him.

“I love you.” I choked on the words. “Both of you.”

They mumbled their agreement.

“I’m so pleased you have each other. It will bring me so much comfort when I’m gone.”