Page 61 of Laced in Longing

“And what happens if you keep coming here?”

He’s silent for a beat too long, and my stomach twists into tangled knots. “You don’t know, do you?” I press as my fingers dig into the underside of my arm. The pain grounds me. “Or you do know, and it’s bad enough that you don’t want to tell me.”

“I don’t know the full extent. The separation of realms exists for a reason. I suppose if they bleed into each other too much…”

He doesn’t finish the thought, but he doesn’t need to. I can fill in the blanks. Chaos and disruption of the natural order. Maybe reality itself will no longer function as it should.

And it’s my fault. What isn’t, at this point?

I should have waited until he was gone to jump. None of this would be a problem then.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask, my voice small and broken. “Why let me think everything was fine when you knew it wasn’t?”

“I didn’t want to lose you again.” The raw honesty in his voice hurts. “I thought I could find a way to manage it, to be with you without causing harm. Because after a thousand mortal lifetimes of waiting, I couldn’t bear to be separated from you again.”

“So you lied to me.”

“I omitted,” he responds, gentle in his deliverance. “There’s a difference.”

“Not to me.” I turn away, unable to bear the weight of his attention. My gaze falls on the jar of dried flowers on my dresser. Why can’t everything be as simple as those?

All I wanted was one thing to feel happy about. That’s it!

I should have known better. Of course I would never be good enough for him. I am but a black hole that sucks the life from wherever I go, and now I’m forcing it on his shoulders too, by keeping him here. He’s messing with the laws of the world for me. Fucking with things by being here, and yet he stays.

For me.

The realization sends a fresh layer of guilt settling over my conscience. I’m not worth this. Not even worth one night of safety, let alone the risk of two worlds. I’m nothing and will always be nothing—a broken, crumbling, desolate shell of a person who’s spent her entire life feeling unwanted and alone. By myself is where I belong.

Because how could I be so selfish to believe otherwise?

And now the one who claims to want me is putting everything at risk just to be near me.

I can’t allow that.

So, with a deep inhale and a sudden numbness to my body, I say, “You need to leave. Go back to your world and stay there.”

“Maven—” He reaches for me again, but I throw myself back into the wall, maintaining the distance.

“No, listen to me. This—whatever you think this is—it’s not working. It can’t work, obviously. You being here is causing problems neither of us understands or wants. You need to go.”

“I won’t leave you,” he says, an edge entering his voice. “I told you last night you were truly mine now, and you knew what that meant.”

“I don’t want you here!” The words burst from me, echoing in the barren space. “All I know is that your presence here is messing with these peoples’ heads, and I can’t be responsible for that!”

His hands clasp in front of him. “You are not responsible, my flower. If anyone bears the blame, it’s me. I am the one who manifested physically. I’m the one who couldn’t stay away and made the choice.”

“Because. Of. Me.” I throw my hands up. I’m so frustrated I could scream. “Because I called to you, or my soul did or what-the-fuck-ever. It really doesn’t matter who’s to blame, Ash. What matters is fixing it before it gets worse!”

He’s quiet for a moment, his aura stiff with a tension that vibrates through the air. “And your solution is for me to leave. To return to the Otherworld without you.”

“Yes.” The single syllable scrapes across my mouth like glass.

“And what of you?” he almost whispers. “What happens to you if I go?”

I shrug, aiming for nonchalance despite the emotions clawing at my insides. “I continue my life. I go to work and read books. I’ll exist, just like I did before you showed up.”

He jolts. His shoulders drop. “You were dying before I showed up, Maven. Slowly, perhaps, but dying nonetheless. Fading away day by day…is that what you want to return to?”