Page 45 of Laced in Longing

This will be the best decision I’ve ever made, I tell myself as I come flush to the edge. The right decision. Probably the only thing that’s ever made sense.

So why does it hurt so much? Why does my chest feel like it’s being torn open, my heart ripped from its cavity? Why do the tears keep coming, hot and fast, blurring my vision until the city lights below smear into streaks of color?

No, I know why. Because no one will miss me.

I’ll disappear from this world without leaving a mark, and no one will notice I’m gone. Even in this moment—this final, desperate act—I am utterly, completely alone.

Except I’m not.

I feel him before he speaks, his presence a beacon. Familiar now, almost comforting if I’m being honest. The one constant in my life these past weeks.

“What do you think you’re doing?” His voice is tight with an emotion I can’t identify, something between fear and rage.

I don’t turn around. Can’t bear to see whatever expression hides behind the veil. “What does it look like?”

“It looks like you’re making a terrible mistake,” he says, and I suck in a breath at his closer voice. Heat radiates from him, a stark contrast to the freezing air. “Maven, please. Step back from the edge.”

“Why?” I ask, my voice cracking on the single syllable. “What difference does it make? If what you say is true, I’ll just be reborn again. And if it’s not, then none of this matters anyway.”

“It matters to me. You matter to me. More than you can possibly understand.”

A sob tears from my throat, the sound ugly and broken in the quiet night. “You don’t even know me.”

“I know every version of you that has ever existed,” he counters, moving closer still. He’s just behind me now, close enough to touch if either of us reached out. “I know the shape of your soul better than my own, and the weight of your longing. I have watched you live and die a thousand times, Maven, and each time it tears something from me I’ll never recover.”

“Then you should want this.” I gesture below. “One more death, one more rebirth. Maybe the next version of me will be better. Happier. More worthy of whatever devotion you think I deserve.”

“No.” The word rings with power, vibrating through the air between us. “No more deaths. I am done waiting—I cannot bear to lose you again, or watch your soul slip away and begin the cycle anew. Please, Maven, come with me instead.”

“To your world?” My answering laugh is humorless.

“Yes,” he says. “Where you will never shed another tear from sadness. You will never again question your place or your purpose. My flower, there will be no doubt how loved and wanted you are.”

“Loved,” I repeat, the word a foreign thing on my tongue. “As if you know what that means.”

“I have loved you for centuries.” The deep register of his words bypasses my ears and speaks directly to something deep inside me. “Through every lifetime and every rejection. I have loved you when you were joyful and even more when you were broken. It never mattered that you’d forgotten me or cursed my name when you were scared. I have loved you through every torturous moment of waiting—watching—and hoping that this time, this life, you would finally come home.”

Tears flow faster now, blurring my vision completely. “Stop,” I whisper, but there’s no force behind it.

“I love you, Maven.” The man is relentless in his honesty. “Please don’t do this again. Please don’t make me watch you die knowing I could have prevented it. Let me show you what it means to be truly seen.”

I believe him. That’s the worst part. Standing on the edge of a roof, one step away from death, I believe him. He sees something in me worth that kind of devotion.

And that’s exactly why I need to jump.

Because he deserves better. Someone whole and capable of returning that kind of obsession. Not this broken shell of a person who can barely remember what smiling feels like.

“You deserve better,” I echo my thoughts as a sob catches in my throat. “Even if everything you say is true, you deserve better than what I am now. Maybe in another life, I’ll be worthy of what you’re offering. But not this one. I can’t be enough for you like this.”

“Maven—”

“I’m sorry,” I cut him off before taking that final step onto the low wall. The city stretches below me, a dizzying drop that makes my stomach lurch. “I’m so sorry.”

And I step off the edge.

For one endless moment, I’m falling. The wind rushes past my ears, my stomach drops, my heart pauses mid-beat. This is it. Finally, I’m free.

Until strong arms wrap around my waist, yanking me backward with inhuman strength. We fall together, my back against his chest, his body cushioning mine as we slam into the concrete roof with enough force to drive the air from my lungs.