Page 23 of Hellebore

My reflection stares back at me. My skin is unmarked. No bruises. No bites. No fingerprints. I run my hands slowly down my hips, over my belly, between my legs. Nothing. No tenderness. No trace of him.

“I… have no idea,” I say, the nervous laugh dying in my throat. “I woke up and do not remember a thing.”

“Briar—” Worry sharpens her tone instantly.

“No, no,” I interrupt quickly, my voice cracking as I wrap my arms around myself. “I was still fully clothed in bed. I do not feel… anything. I think he just dropped me off and I passed out. He left.”

“Oh. That is… kind of nice,” Lucille says, but the suspicion in her voice mirrors the unease twisting tighter in my stomach. “At least he did not take advantage. But you do not usually drink that much, girl.”

She is right. I do not. I even drove home without any real trouble… did I not? What if he slipped something in my drink? But then why bring me home and do nothing? Unless he did, and then cleaned everything up so it would look like nothing happened.

A chill races down my spine, sharp and familiar. No. Not again.

“Briar, honey?” Lucille’s voice cuts through the rising panic.

“I am here, sorry.” I sniff hard, blinking back the sting in my eyes as I try to steady my breathing. My reflection in the mirror looks small and fragile, arms wrapped tight around my middle like I could hold myself together. “I would feel it, right, Lu? If he… fucked me.”

There is a long beat of silence on the line.

“Yeah,” she says finally, soft and careful. “Of course you would.”

My phone lights up with a new notification. An unknown number. My thumb hovers, trembling, before I tap it open.

“Hey, sorry for leaving so quickly. You fell asleep almost immediately after we got back to your place, so I let you rest and headed out. I’m going to be away for a few weeks, but maybe we can hook up when I’m back?”

Oh God.

The breath I had been holding rushes out of me in a shaky wave. My shoulders sag, the tight knot in my chest loosening just enough for air to slip back in. He could be lying, of course he could, but with the untouched bed, the lack of marks, the absence of any soreness… it fits. He really did just leave.

“Lucille, you will not believe this—” I read her the text, and she explodes into whooping laughter, loud and bright, until her sister calls her name in the background.

We say quick goodbyes and I hang up. A fragile kind of calm settles over me. The night had been… normal. Nothing happened.

Okay. Nothing happened.

I turn the shower on, letting the water run until steam curls thick and heavy, fogging the mirror and turning the tiny bathroom into a hazy dream. When I finally step under the spray, the heat hits my skin like a brand, burning away the sticky remnants of last night’s wine, the club smoke, and the unease I cannot name.

For a moment it works. The warmth sinks deep into my muscles.

Then the images come anyway.

Stronger hands pinning me down. A raspy voice whispering against my ear how perfect and innocent I was. How he was going to take what no other man could ever have.

My stomach lurches violently.

I gag, sliding the shower door open with a wet squeak, and barely make it to the toilet before my body rebels. The sound that tears out of me is ugly and raw. My throat burns as everything comes up in painful heaves.

It has been four years, and I can still smell him, still feel the crushing weight of his body. I still hear the low laugh that came when I begged him to stop.

I do not know who he was. I never found out. He made it very clear that if I tried to go to the police, my life would be over. So I changed. All of me. I tried to leave the city, but my own father looked me in the eye and told me to deal with it. To toughen up.

I never spoke to him again.

He had been sitting in the car while it happened. I screamed for him⁠—

A sob rips from my throat before I can stop it. My hands tremble so badly I have to grip the cold edge of the sink to stay upright. The shower is still running behind me, steam filling the small room until my reflection blurs and disappears.

I need to get my head under control. I cannot break like I did back then.