Page 65 of Angel I Am Not

“So Ari is an impossibility because Uriel broke one of these rules?”

“I think Ari exists because something happened that should not have been possible under the balance as it stood.” Dante folded his hands on the table. “That doesn’t mean I know every step between Uriel creating her and Temptation existing now.”

“And these IDEAs people are whispering about?”

“Still very, very real.” His mouth twitched, but the amusement faded before it fully formed. “I’m real. Opportunity is real. There are others. That doesn’t mean every story Heaven ever told you is secretly wandering around Earth somewhere.”

That didn’t help much. I sat there for another moment before the obvious question surfaced. “If Uriel believed something was wrong in Heaven badly enough to come to you, what did he think was happening?”

Dante looked down at his hands before continuing. “I don’t know exactly what Uriel saw. I know what I’ve found since then, and I know every time I get close to whatever is moving underneath all of this, I find the same thing.” His mouth twisted into a grimace as he met my eyes again. “Chaos.”

For several seconds, I genuinely thought I had heard him wrong.

Then I laughed. “No.” I shook my head and pushed my coffee farther away. “Absolutely not. Chaos doesn’t exist.”

His brows lifted slightly.

“Don’t look at me like that. You are sitting in front of me. I understand Opportunity and you are real, well, I’m still trying to wrap my head around all of that. But Chaos is a story. It’s something you tell fledgling angels when they ask what happens if the universe loses order.”

“So was Chance.”

“That does not mean every fucking myth is real now.”

“I didn’t say it did.”

“Then what are you saying?”

Dante leaned forward again, and there was no teasing left in him now. “I’m saying something connected to Chaos keeps appearing around every break I find.”

I swallowed nervously. “You think Chaos is on the throne.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Is God?”

Dante went quiet.

“You don’t know,” I whispered.

“No.”

I sat there staring at him while the café moved around us, humans drinking coffee, laughing, typing on little machines, completely unaware that my understanding of creation had collapsed over a table barely large enough for two cups.

I returned my attention back to Dante, already hating myself for the question I was about to ask. “Was God on the throne when you were thrown out of heaven?”

Dante just grabbed the mug in front of him and took a sip, leaving my question unanswered.

I had come to Earth because Heaven wouldn’t answer my questions. Now I had more of them than ever.

Ariuk

Being stuffed between three delicious demons for the past twenty-four hours had been a dream come true, which was mildly concerning considering I hadn’t known the dream existed until a few days ago. Heaven had spent most of my life making sex feel like something to tolerate correctly. I wanted to enjoy myself, not prop myself up in missionary while some grunt congratulated himself afterward.

Even Domiel had done fuck all to satisfy me, though he swore up and down that he had been the best thing that ever happened to me. Sex with him had always felt like another angelic obligation: get into position, let him finish, clean myself up, move on. These three wanted to know what made me shake, what made me laugh, what made me beg. Half the fun wasn’t even the orgasms. It was being allowed to want them.

Domiel had never given me that.

These three demons blew everyone out of the water and I wasn’t even sorry about thinking it. What still weirded me out was how quickly the things Heaven had taught me to fear were becoming normal. Demons in my bed. Dark wings. Full names that made something ancient roll beneath their skin. Wanting things without immediately asking whether I was allowed to.