Page 10 of Angel I Am Not

Even though it was my job to cleanse, we weren’t really supposed to be touching the lake for personal purposes. It was too bad my middle name was rulebreaker. Granted, I wasn’t going to jump in, but I had thought about it.

Maybe it would cleanse me of all the evil that I was supposedly harboring.

“Ariuk,” Miel purred as he crept closer, placing a hand on my shoulder. “You’ve been sulking for a while, still going to Earth to distract you from your sorrows. You really need to-”

Here we go again.

I let out a deep sigh and glared at him, wondering if he’d berate me on my expression or the fact that I was acting out again. I wasn’t keen on hearing yet another speech Miel thought would drag me out of this ‘everyone’s out to get me attitude’. “Miel, quit it, would you? You know your speech isn’t going to change my mind. I’m also not hungry.”

“You used to love the gardens, Ariuk.”

I grimaced. “Used to is the operative phrase.” I resisted the urge to growl when he took a seat beside me, pulling my legs from the lake and folding them beneath me. I shifted a few inches away from him, wondering how much I wanted to provoke him before sticking my feet back into the stream. If he wanted to tell the council, I might as well get as much out of this sensation as I could. “Miel, I’m glad you’re looking out for me. Everyone is. They’re always looking out for me. The problem is all the lies. We’re not pure. We’re crooked and broken and—the souls! What happened to bringing in purity? What happened to being a paradise for humans when we die? What part of this screams Paradise?”

Miel looked like he was about to blow a fuse after my little outburst but I didn’t fucking care. The veil had been ripped away, making me realize how cliquish everything truly was, how everything was so twisted and unfair. Proving myself over and over again because Uriel had fucked up didn’t make sense, not to mention the fact that heaven ran on the burdened souls of humans.

“I am appalled that you would call angels crooked and broken. You truly have fallen farther than we all believed. Ariuk, these are dangerous thoughts and continuing to dwell on them could have serious consequences,” Miel scooted closer, grabbing one of my hands in his as I just rolled my eyes and tuned him out.

Miel had been brainwashed years ago but it had only gotten worse as he tried to suck up to the council to ensure that he was one of the new archangels when the appointments rolled around. I couldn’t care less about my seat, my mind drifting off to another one of those lattes despite the fact that I had just finished one.

I lost myself in the fantasies of whipped cream and chocolate and the center with human goods that I had only just been brave enough to venture into last month. The humans called it a shopping mall and I had never been so enraptured by all the bright and beautiful things being sold in my life.

The fact that there had been so many variations of my favorite drink only made it better.

Something swiped through my wings plastered against my back, rudely dragging me out of my fantasies. I jumped to my feet, hands at the ready, frowning when Miel just stood there, concern plastered across his face.

He knew how intimate a gesture like that was but it was immediately clear he hadn’t done it for that reason. “Your wings still changing color, Ariuk?”

My shoulders deflated in defeat as I plopped back down, letting out a heavy sigh. I should have known he hadn’t just come to lecture me like he usually did. He was here to tell me how evil I had become by not following the rules and escaping to Earth, that if I kept down this path that I would be judged by the council and he wouldn’t be able to save me.

I didn’t need saving though. I was content to spiral into the depths of whatever doom I had brought on myself, hoping that it was more accepting than here.

“We’re all really worried about you, Ariuk.”

“It’s Ari,” I bit out, shivering with the purity that ran down my spine. It was becoming increasingly uncomfortable.

Again, he ignored my request as he always did. He reached forward to caress my cheek, a move I didn’t understand. We weren’t intimate with each other anymore. Swiftly, I moved out of reach. “How are you feeling?”

After that unsatisfactory performance six months ago? I chuffed out a laugh knowing full well that I couldn’t say that. I bit my tongue before I blurted it out, trying not to get myself in any more trouble. A worried Miel was a problem because he liked to blab to anyone who would hear that I needed help. I didn’t though. I just didn’t have a support system anymore. Well, there was Raphael but he was more like a supportive uncle than a mentor like Uriel had been.

Miel continuing to linger was starting to bother me, his soft tone making me think that there was something far worse waiting for me on the other side of this conversation. Still, I brushed it off, hoping for a few more minutes of silence as everyone headed toward Lush Gardens. “Okay, cool. But I’m not hungry. Can you go away?”

Miel shook his head. “Wish I could but Jophiel and Gabriel need to see you.”

“Jophiel?” Being summoned by one of the archangels was never a good thing, especially the one who had condemned my father. But me being summoned was a disastrous thing. Maybe they were going to put me out of my misery once and for all, like my father. Unlikely, but one could hope.

I hesitated, narrowing my gaze at him as I thought through every possibility of why they had sent Miel. Was he supposed to soften the blow? Why had he invited me to Lush Gardens? Had that been the last straw to see if I would mingle with the others?

There were too many questions and every moment we stayed here, I would have to stare at Miel and continue to wonder. So, I managed a shrug and followed him, keeping my head tucked so I didn’t have to thwart any of the comments that usually came my way.

It didn’t take long before we entered the main hall of the palace. Michael, Gabriel, and Jophiel turned to look at me with hardened expressions that couldn’t mean anything good. Raphael was suspiciously absent, which meant that whatever judgment was about to be passed was done without his favor. The fact that this entire meeting seemed like it had been called without preparation had me on high alert. Miel gave them all a little bow before exiting the front door and leaving me at their mercy.

Jophiel approached slowly with that stupid levitating gait he liked to air in front of everyone, “Ariuk, please have a seat.”

“I’d rather stand.”

His gift – air – surrounded me, forcing me into a sitting position, a chair fitting against my ass. “And I told you to have a seat.”

One more look between the three of them and I knew whatever revelation they were about to give me was going to end my life.