Page 121 of Knot Only For One Night

“Don’t let him hear you say that,” I say and Neven shoves my shoulder. “Honestly, Neven. I don’t think this is something we can fix. We can’t fix years of him programming himself into believing he doesn't get to have a Pack. He has to work this out on his own.”

“He might… he might lose her if we try to wait him out.”

“And whose fault will that be?”

“We can’t force him to do anything he doesn’t want to do.” Esper's sad, steady voice makes us both jump. I want to soothe her, to make everything right. I get Neven’s trying to do just that, but we can’t. It’s not possible.

Still, I grab her forearm and pull her into my chest, kissing her forehead and letting her step back again.

“I can’t keep doing this with him. If he doesn't want me then… it is what it is.”

“Did he say that?”

Neven’s attempts to assuage her worries don’t work. Not this time. Esper’s face remains impassive, resigned even. “No. But⁠—”

“Then that’s not what he wants.”

“Actions speak louder than words, don't they? He hasn’t spoken to me since the argument, let alone seen me. He leaves early and comes back late. He’s avoiding me. It’s been three days, Neven. I got the message. Now”—She huffs holding out two blankets, her grip harsh on both as her eyes well with tears that she won’t let fall—“stripes or waves?”

CHAPTER 40

REED

My nest door creaks open, the light from the hallway shining in over my closed eyelids as Neven slips into my nest.

I’m shocked when my skin doesn’t crawl at the thought of him coming in. In fact, as much as I would never admit this to him, let alone out loud, I’m relieved he’s here.

Well, until he opens his damn mouth.

“Get your funky ass in the shower, Reed.” His use of my full name tells me he’s serious, but I can’t bring myself to so much as lift my head to acknowledge his presence, let alone respond.

I haven't left my nest in days. Not since I lost my damn mind. The beautiful picture of Soren’s and Esper’s bond marks flash behind my eyelids every time they close. I'm not mad about it, not like I thought I was.

I was… confused. My brain scrambled, panicked, trying to come up for a reason that would excuse this ugly fucking emotion in my chest. Something to distract from the absolute crushing of what I thought I knew.

The death of the life I thought I’d have.

I didn’t… I didn’t mean to be so harsh with her. So mean. My own words play back in my mind, and the hurt look they put on Esper’s face.

They make me sick. I make me sick.

“I’m not telling you again. Get up or I’ll drag your ass and I promise you won’t like that.”

I grumble as I open my eyes. My pillow is a smooshed marshmallow being crushed by my iron grip. “I’m going to⁠—”

“Now.”

“Okay, Alpha,” I snip and he only raises his eyebrows. I scoff, sitting up and moving to get off my giant-ass bed. Neven stops me by sitting on my bed, staring off at a spot on the wall.

“Tell me what’s going on first.”

“Nothing.” His gaze is sharp when it lands on me. So much so I can’t hold it, so I choose a spot on the carpet and stare there instead. Not only is this my lead alpha, but one of my best fucking friends.

All of them are.

That's the problem. I want them. I need them.

A new dream bloomed and I didn’t think… I still don’t think I deserve it.