Page 43 of Bluebell Tides

“If only I knew what they thought of me,” Ruth said. “If only I knew what they’re afraid of. Maybe then, I’d figure out a way to crack them.”

With that, she left the porch and wandered out into the blue evening, her pace slow and meditative. Sophie remained with her bottle of wine and her hundreds of notes, her heart heavy. She wondered if Ruth was right to give up hope.

But true to her word, Sophie pulled herself together and called her professors at East Oregon University. Tentatively, she thanked them for what they’d told the judge in her favor, then explained to them how sorry she was. She told them she’d spent months punishing herself, but that she wanted to throw herself back into the environmental fight. “I have to transform all the pain I’ve caused into something good,” she said. She hated that in everything she said, she sounded on the brink of tears.

One of her professors, a woman named Dr. Scott, listened quietly as Sophie thanked her and offered her official apology. And then she said, “Sophie, I’ve worried about you for years.”

Sophie was taken aback. The fire had been in April, mere months ago. “What do you mean?”

“Since you began the graduate program, you’ve become something of a loner, haven’t you? When I learned you were romantically involved with that young man, the young man who set the fire, I didn’t know what to think. I had him in class. I suppose it’s wrong to say this, but I wasn’t impressed.”

Sophie let out a surprised laugh. “Neither am I. I hope I’ll get better at picking partners as I go.” But even as she said it, she thought, I’m twenty-four years old. Shouldn’t I be better by now?

But Dr. Scott wasn’t finished. “I’m beginning to think that East Oregon isn’t right for you.”

Sophie stopped short. She’d been pacing back and forth in the Eco-Lodge's office, waiting for her shift to start. “I don’t understand,” she said.

“Don’t get me wrong,” Dr. Scott said. “I think you’re a brilliant student. You’ve brought a great deal to the East Oregon environmental program, and I’ve enjoyed our relationship. Truly. But Sophie, let me ask you. Have you been happy here? So far from home?”

Sophie protested at first, telling Dr. Scott that home was technically in Washington, DC, and that her mother didn’t even live there anymore.

“But your mother’s in Maine,” Dr. Scott reminded her. “You sped off to Maine the minute things got rocky here, right?”

Sophie admitted it was true.

“I’m going to say something. Take it or leave it,” Dr. Scott said. “An old colleague of mine, a very good professor and someone I deeply respect, is a professor at the University of Maine. If you say the word, I’ll call him today and ask him to take you on as a grad student. I can’t promise he’ll say yes.”

So overwhelmed, Sophie collapsed in the office chair. What if she didn’t have to go all the way back out West? What if she could stay in Maine, not far from Bluebell? What if she could come home whenever it suited her, whenever her mother needed her, whenever she felt like it?

“Shall I call him?” Dr. Scott asked.

“Yes,” Sophie whispered. “I mean, only if it isn’t too much trouble.”

“It isn’t,” Dr. Scott said. “Take care of yourself, Sophie. I can’t wait to hear all about your future successes. I expect nothing but good things.”

By the second week of August, Sophie’s academic files were fully transferred from East Oregon to the University of Maine. Although they were sad to see her go for good, her old roommates removed her from this year’s lease and sent her a bouquet to wish her well. Celia took a day off work to go to Orono, Maine, with Sophie and look at apartments and tour her new campus. For dinner that night, they met Dr. Scott’s friend, Dr. Reynolds, who expressed deep interest in Sophie’s research fields and told her how thrilled he was to have her back in Maine for good.

Sophie couldn’t believe how quickly everything had transformed.

When Sophie and her mother returned from the University of Maine, Aunt Ivy called to say she was throwing a family party. “Autumn will be here before we know it,” she said. “We have to celebrate while we can.”

When Sophie called Ruth to inform her about the family party, Ruth explained that she was already at Aunt Ivy’s, helping to prepare. “I don’t know why,” Ruth said, laughing, “but your family has opened their hearts and their arms to me. How can I accept all this kindness?”

“You just have to,” Sophie told her, laughing, her eyes filling with tears. When she hung up, she glanced at her mother in the driver’s seat and had to bite her tongue to keep from asking Celia why she couldn’t figure out how to help Ruth. Why couldn’t they get her grandson back? She knew Celia had no answers.

Maybe this was the end of that particular road. Maybe it was nearly time to give up.

That evening, Lily opened the door and flew out of the house, wrapping Sophie in a hug. Lily was overjoyed that Sophie planned to stay in Maine for the foreseeable future. She’d already expressed interest in joining their academic research, writing papers together and fighting to get grants to save Maine and its gorgeous coastline. Sophie was thrilled to have a genius like Lily in her midst. She knew this was only the beginning, not only of their friendship as cousins, but of their academic partnership. It was terribly exciting.

“Oh,” Lily said as they walked through the Harper House to find the others on the back porch. “I wanted to tell you. There’s a party tonight on the Cove.”

Sophie hesitated. She wanted to tell her cousin she was exhausted from her university tour, that she wanted to stay home and focus up for the big move. She wanted to get her head on straight. But Lily gave her a look, then said, “Don’t say no. You’ve been punishing yourself all summer long. It has to end. Besides, don’t you want to flirt with someone again?”

Sophie laughed, surprised. She’d hardly thought about guys all summer. Maybe Lily was right. Maybe it was time.

24

Out on the porch for the family party, Sophie found Ruth, setting a dark blue cake on the long table, her hair in a loose ponytail, her glasses sliding down her nose. It was as though she were officially a part of the family.