Page 94 of A Song for You

Cat’s eyes find mine and she gazes back at the platter, like she’s trying to ascertain what I’m referring to.

“The pancakes,” I say, my tone rough gravel. I clear my throat, not wanting to ruin the moment. “Sorry, it’s not a big deal.”

Cat shakes her head and covers the offending dish. “It absolutely is,” she whispers, sliding back over me again.

“Eat, beautiful,” I tell her, but there’s no bark to it.

She kisses my jaw. “No.”

I sit straighter, bringing her with me, and grab a piece of bacon, forcing it to her lips. She nips at it, and I smile. “Good girl.”

Her eyes light up as she chews.

“You like when I praise you, huh, baby?”

She smiles with a shy lift of her shoulders. “Maybe.”

I reach over and rip off a piece of waffle, then dip it in the syrup before brushing it across her lips. She waits, knowing exactly what I’m going to do. The girl can read me like no one else. She edges closer, and I bite the waffle, then lick across her lips. “Delicious,” I say around a mouthful.

She laughs. “I like this.”

“What?” I ask, reaching for another waffle piece and feeding her.

“Lazy Sunday mornings with you.” She lets out a happy sigh. “Just being with you in general. Tell me about her, baby,” she whispers.

My mom.

I tilt back, but Cat pulls at my hand, keeping me close. Then she reaches for a piece of bacon and tears it apart, offering me a bite before she takes her own.

“I don’t have beautiful memories of my mother like you do, Cat. I’m not even sure my mother cared for me.”

“I find that impossible to believe,” she whispers.

“Why?” The question is practically a plea. I can’t hide the broken desperation that seeps through.

“Because I love you so deeply, and I tried so hard not to. You’re easy to love, Jay. Incredibly easy to love.”

She rubs the pad of her thumb along my cheek, wiping at a dampness I hadn’t realized was there. Embarrassed that I’ve let a tear escape, I duck my head.

She doesn’t allow it, though, pulling me back to look at her. “I think…” She pauses and holds my gaze. “I think it’s impossible to know what our mothers were really like. But Jay, I know for a fact that if she took the time to get to know you, she loved you. Even if she struggled to say it.”

I get lost in her eyes, the way the sun makes them sparkle and how a kaleidoscope of colors appears. “Thank you,” I whisper.

She smiles. “For what?”

“Before you, my life had very little meaning. I was frozen. My heart, I…” I struggle to put into words what she’s done for me. The way she’s brought me back to life. “Just know, Catherine, that every day in this life, I will choose you. Don’t ever doubt that. Only you.”

Forty-Eight

Cat

Just Got Started Loving You by James Otto

As much as I want to spend the entire day in bed with Jay, there’s somewhere I have to be tonight, and he can’t come. Since I can remember, my grandparents took my brothers and me out for hibachi for our birthday. It’s our thing.

I’m not sure when precisely it started, but it was sometime after my mother’s death. Carter’s was the first birthday we spent there. He took her death incredibly hard. He was nine when he watched her get sick, watched her deteriorate. Memories like that don’t leave a person. I vividly remember my mother’s laugh—soft. And her scent—sugar and cinnamon with a hint of lemon. Why I have no idea. And dance parties in the kitchen when it was just the four of us, Carter by my side, Cash in my mother’s arms, and my mom spinning me in circles like I was a ballerina.

But I don’t remember losing her. Maybe my brain blocked it out. Or maybe she hid how sick she was from me, and Carter just saw more of it.