Page 44 of A Song for You

“So that’s it. My last name—that’s a deal breaker?” I purse my lips, trying hard to control the desperation pouring from me.

He stares at me, and his shoulders sag. “I don’t know.”

Twenty-Six

Jay

Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol

This is a fucking nightmare. At a complete loss, I can do nothing but stare at Cat. The thoughts swirling around in my head are fucked up. This entire situation is fucked up.

How could I have not seen the writing on the wall? Why else would she hang out at the James family penthouse?

But how? How is it possible that this woman, the one I want more than I’ve ever wanted anything, is the one person I can’t have?

There’s only one thing to do right now. Be honest. Let her see my demons. Let her push me away. Because I can’t walk away. I’m in too fucking deep.

But we’ll never work.

This will never work.

“You want to know what I’m thinking?” I sneer, dreading what I’m about to do.

She stands tall and tips her chin up. This beautiful woman who doesn’t rely upon her family name, who works in a coffee shop and lives in a tiny apartment with the friend who broke her heart. The woman who’s trying to make it on her own laurels. She stands tall. She doesn’t break before me. She’s a fucking goddess.

Storming across the room, I force myself close even though being near her makes me want to take her in my arms. “I’m thinking,” I say, running the backs of my fingers down her arm, watching as she shivers beneath my touch, “that you’d give me your virginity if I asked, wouldn’t you, Kitten? That I want to fuck Edward James’s only daughter, and you’d let me.”

“Then do it,” she whispers, the repulsion I expected nowhere to be found.

I scowl in disgust. “You deserve so much better than that.”

I turn my back and heave out a long breath.

Cat grabs at my arm, but I don’t turn. I can’t look at her. She presses her forehead against the middle of my back, and we stand there, frozen, her heat seeping through my shirt, warming me in a way I shouldn’t let it.

“You think you hate my father, but you have no idea,” she says almost inaudibly. “My feelings for you have nothing to do with him, though.”

I spin back, grinding my molars and staring her down. “That’s my point. My feelings are now jumbled together with my hate for him.” I put a hand to her cheek, the gentle movement in direct opposition with the anger coursing through me. “Kitten, you have no idea what you’re asking of me.”

She tips her chin up, those soft, sad brown eyes pleading, and my heart cracks. “You have no problem being friends with Carter, but you can’t be with me?”

“I don’t want to be your friend,” I answer honestly. “I couldn’t just be your friend.”

Cat’s face falls. She knows it too. “Please, just…” she pulls in a shaky breath, “God, I hate sounding so desperate. Just spend the day with me. If you still feel the same way in a few hours, I won’t push. I’ll let you go. Just…give me today?”

Every cell in my body screams at me to leave. My mind knows the right answer.

“Okay,” I say, ignoring every rational thought.

“Okay?” she asks, her eyes going wide. She’s just as shocked as I am by my response.

“Okay,” I reply, pulling her against my chest and stealing another moment of happiness. She melts into me and exhales. How could having this woman in my arms ever be wrong?

“Let’s go to the farmers’ market. I think we could use the fresh air,” she offers.

I nod but don’t let go. Instead, I take her hand, clasping it tightly, and let her lead me out of the apartment.

We meander by every booth at the farmers’ market. We share homemade waffles with powdered sugar and fresh fruit while sipping coffee and kissing between bites. Waffles, I now know, are her absolute favorite breakfast food, but she never eats them because her grandmother always told her they were messy and loaded with calories. I want to have waffles delivered to her every day just to see the smile on her face when she takes a bite. It’s magic. She’s magic.