Page 166 of Colliding with Ten

My stomach clenched. Meadow had acted as an intermediary, passing information between us like a diplomat between hostile nations, letting him know I was back. I hadn’t wanted him to be surprised. Now he had decided he was ready to talk, and I didn’t know what to expect.

I let the facility door close behind me as the cold hit me full force. He looked up at the sound. The parking lot was mostly empty, the late-afternoon sun low. He stood, put his hands in his pockets, then took them out again. Then he folded his arms across his chest. “Ayla. Can we talk?”

He looked thinner. The hollows under his eyes were darker, and his jaw was tense. It got that way from grinding his teeth in his sleep. He’d been doing that since we were kids, and our mother used to rub his jaw until the muscles relaxed. After she died, no one did.

“Yeah. We can talk.”

Relief moved through his shoulders. He sat back down and moved over, making room for me on the bench, but I didn’t sit.

“I’ve been thinking about everything,” he started. “And I want you to know⁠—”

“Did you believe them?”

AJ’s mouth, open around whatever he’d rehearsed, closed. “What?”

“That night. The rumors about the leak and the photos. Did you believe them? Or did you believe me?”

The silence was my answer. He looked away toward the parking lot, his jaw grinding. His fingers laced and unlaced. “It was a lot coming at me all at once. I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

“Will you⁠—”

“It’s a yes or a no. Did you believe I did it?”

He looked past me, toward the empty half of the parking lot, like the answer was easier to give to asphalt than to my face. “For a minute. Maybe more than a minute. I don’t know. It didn’t look good, and you’d been keeping things from me for months, and I didn’t know what to believe anymore.”

I went cold. I had suspected it. Hearing him say it was hurtful.

“I’m your sister.”

“I know that.”

“You’ve known me my entire life. And it took you a minute. More than a minute, apparently, to decide whether I’d sell out my own brother’s team.”

“I said I was wrong to think it.”

“You didn’t say that. You said it was a lot, coming at you all at once. That’s not the same.”

A bird sang above us, cheerful and far from the tone of this conversation. AJ’s elbows were back on his knees as he hung his head low. He hadn’t expected this conversation to go like this. He was losing, and he had no control. He dragged a hand down his face. “Fine. I was wrong. I’m saying it now.”

“You’re saying it now because the team said it.” I heard my voice rising and didn’t try to lower it. “You know what actually convinced you? It wasn’t me. I told you the truth to your face, but it took Micah and Lennox, who you can barely stand to be in a room with, telling the entire country I didn’t do it. You didn’t believe me when I said it, but you believed him. Another man.”

He flinched at that. “That’s not fair.”

“Isn’t it? Do you understand how it felt to need him to do that? To need anyone to do that?”

“I tried to protect you, Ayla.”

“Don’t.” My voice cracked. “Don’t turn this into something you did for me. You weren’t protecting me. You were protecting yourself and left me standing out there alone until someone else decided I was worth defending.”

“That’s not what happened.”

“That’s exactly what happened, AJ.”

He stood up. “What do you want from me? I said I was wrong. I’m standing here saying it, Ayla. Please.”

“I can’t even look at you right now. You’re pissing me off.”