Page 51 of To Obsess

-K

The smile pulls at my lips before I can stop it. Damn this man. I know next to nothing about him, but he’s taken up residence in my head that feels way more permanent than it should.

He wants to see my pictures. The thought comes unbidden into my mind, swirling around and around. It really shouldn’t mean a damn thing to me that he asked about some pictures, but let’s be honest here. The bar is on the freaking floor. Any effort is praiseworthy at this point.

I hear the crunch of Abby’s tires on the gravel drive before I see her headlights come to a stop, casting long shadows throughout the house. On instinct, I toss the letter down and swipe a couple pieces of junk mail on top of it.

“Babe! Heeeeelp!” she whines from the front door with a groan of frustration.

I try to hide my chuckle as I pull the door open and grab a bag of food. “You’re so cute when you’re all needy.” If looks could kill, I’d be lying dead on the floor from the glare she shoots at me.

Once we’re settled, I tell Abby about Alex between bites of food and moans of happiness. I tell her about the date and how incredible everything was.

We catch up on nearly every facet of life, but I don’t tell her about the letter. We typically share everything, but there are some things I just want to keep to myself for now. Something about these recent letters has felt a lot more personal, and I’m not ready to give that up yet.

“I think I’m going to meet him,” I spout, eyes going wide as soon as the last word is past my lips. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while now. Is that stupid?” I don’t even have to say who I’m talking about. She just knows.

“Do I think it’s stupid? No. Anybody in your situation would want to meet the person who has been sending them cards for years and suddenly picked up a more intense interest.” I nod, but when I open my mouth to respond, she raises a hand to silence me.

“I don’t think it’s stupid, babe. But it is reckless, and I think it’s a horrible idea.” She says it gently, but it pierces me anyway. “I think there’s no way he can ever measure up to this idea you’ve been building for two entire decades in your head. I think it’ll hurt your feelings more than it’ll do anything good.”

I nod again, unable to find the words for what I’m feeling. I know she’s probably right. I have spent a lot of time building this guy up to unrealistic expectations.

We finish the rest of the meal in a heavy silence, neither sure what to say to ease the tension. Abby’s never been one to sugarcoat, and I’m not one to need someone to bullshit me about any situation. We just need some time to let it ease naturally.

“How do you plan on making this happen? He’s never been willing to meet before, so why would now be any different?” The question brings me back to reality with a jolt. The silence had lasted so long my mind was drifting toward future possibilities instead of current realities.

I shrug, but there’s a grin playing at my lips. “He’s still sending me letters. Maybe I’ll just ask him. Guys like it when we’re straightforward about what we want, right?”

“Okay, but he didn’t exactly come running when you called him out on the podcast, remember?”

“He’s been a lot more brazen since that happened though! More letters, more communication. Maybe I just need to be totally transparent and ask him to meet up with me so I can finally know who he is if he isn’t willing to tell me through the damn letters.” Even as I say it, I know the plan is idiotic and will never work, but I’ve got nothing at this point.

“What do you mean by ‘more letters, more communication’?” She studies me with unwavering intensity. I fight the urge to wither slightly under her gaze.

“I just mean this is the most he’s ever communicated. He’s never been big on talking, but he’s sent several letters recently, and he’s shared a few tidbits about himself. Nothing major.” I do my best to meet her eyes, but I don’t quite make it. I just hope it’s good enough to skate by without delving deeper.

“You promise? You know I’m here to help, even if I think you’re a complete idiot, right? I don’t want you facing whatever this fucked up obsession with this guy is on your own.” Emotion pricks the back of my eyes as I nod, not trusting my voice to hold steady. She watches me for several beats before nodding and unlocking her phone screen.

We scroll on our phones through an entire movie before Abby stretches like a cat sunning in a window in summer, yawning dramatically. “It’s way past my bedtime, love. I’m going to head home, but we’ll talk tomorrow, okay? I’ll help you come up with a plan when my brain is fully functional.”

“Fat chance of that, but tomorrow sounds good. Thanks for tonight. I really needed this,” I say, wrapping my arms around her. She freezes but quickly melts into my embrace like she’s been holding things together far too long on her side too.

As soon as her car is out of sight, I sit down to write another letter. This time is different though. It’s not just something to pass the time. It’s time we meet, come hell or high water.

Chapter 46

KILLIAN

Violet Parker is going to be the absolute death of me.

I texted her hours ago, three to be exact, and she is completely ignoring me. Zero response. I totally get that I put off texting her for a couple of days while I was trying to get my shit figured out and decide how to go forward from here, but I expected some sort of reply by now. Even if it was her telling me to fuck off and she hopes I fall off a cliff.

Somehow, the total silence is so much worse than the anger I was anticipating. That, I could have dealt with and possibly even mitigated. It’s hard to persuade someone who won’t even give you the time of day.

At least she’s only ignoring Alex, though. When I open the lid to the mailbox, I’m pleasantly surprised to find a folded letter at the front of the box waiting for me. The rolling in my stomach doesn’t match the racing pulse in my chest this time. Something feels wrong somehow.

The second my fingers graze the letter, my stomach drops to my feet, dread growing in the place where excitement normally comes to life.