Page 44 of To Obsess

Sleep doesn’t come easy, but I make it through the night by tossing and turning, staring at the wall, and pacing the apartment to try to get some of my energy out. Ever since Violet agreed to a date, my heart has been pounding and I’ve had an absurd amount of energy coursing through my veins. It can’t be healthy at this point.

Somehow, I survive the night and well into the day of the date, which is also spent pacing the floor in the apartment and checking the time on my phone. When I manage to forget about the date for a few minutes, my mind automatically drifts back to the note I left her and the pit in my stomach worms its way back inside me.

At first, I thought the hint about my love of painting would be a fun bit of information. Completely harmless. That was before I remembered that I left that stupid fucking painting in the woods. Of course, I just had to mention I mostly paint landscapes. Fucking moron.

I heard rumors the police found the easel but nothing further. I doubt they’d be able to get any prints or anything from it. I made it a habit to wear latex gloves when I paint years ago. I’ve never liked the feeling of the paint on my hands. It’s about time my weird phobia of certain textures comes in handy instead of wreaking havoc on my every day.

I tap one finger against my palm, scratching the nail across the surface each time before repeating the motion. Six taps, scratch. Six taps, another scratch. Switch and repeat on the other hand. It takes three full cycles before I can stop this time.

It takes several minutes of concentrated breathing exercises to calm my racing mind once again. I’ll have to be more careful with the next clue is all. It’ll all work out fine in the end, I’m sure. It has to.

The minutes tick by, each hour feeling like a lifetime. Finally, after an agonizing day of waiting, I head to the park for our date. I show up an entire hour early, but I’d rather be an hour early than a minute late. Neither of my parents instilled much in me, not that my mom had enough time, but tardiness was not to be tolerated with the sole exception of emergencies. Even then, it was looked down on.

I’m leaned back on one elbow, blanket spread out below me when Violet saunters over, hands clasped in front of her nervously. She twiddles her thumbs as she crosses the distance. I stand and take her in, blown away by the fact that I’m even meeting this gorgeous woman here. After years of craving her, I’m finally getting a shot to spend time with her.

“Hi,” she says shyly, a crimson blush creeping up her neck.

“Hello,” I manage without tripping over my own tongue. “You look…stunning,” I say after a beat, struggling to find the right word. Stunning doesn’t even begin to cover it. I always thought the movies were full of it when the man said she took his breath away, but that was until two minutes ago when Violet came strolling toward me.

“Thank you. You don’t look so bad yourself.”

I gesture toward the blanket, sitting down on the opposite side. Chicken tenders, fries, and an insane number of dipping sauces are quickly spread across the blanket for her choosing.

“I’m glad you came,” I say as we eat. The silence is comfortable for the first time in my life, but I want her to know I truly am glad she’s here, albeit a little surprised. I was afraid she would change her mind and ghost me. That would have been bad for everyone involved.

“Me too. Tell me a little about yourself. You seem to know a lot more about me than I do about you,” she prompts, pulling a fry from the box and draining the cheap wine from her glass.

You have no idea, darling, I think. Instead, I say, “There isn’t much to tell. I’ve lived here most of my life with my dad. My mom died when I was young, and he wanted a fresh start somewhere new. I got through school easily enough, then settled into a boring corporate job that sucks my soul dry of any will to live on a nearly daily basis. What about you?” I’m only half serious, but it brings a smile to her face nonetheless.

“I’m probably the most boring person on the planet. I’ve lived here my entire life, aside from a brief stint away for college. That didn’t last, so I came back here and got a job at the bookstore. I’ve always been super passionate about reading, so it seemed to fit at the time. I love it there. Now I’m doing that and a podcast with my best friend, Abby. That’s mostly for shits and giggles, but we’re having a good time with it,” she finishes, acting as if everything she’s accomplished isn’t impressive at all.

She doesn’t even mention the fact that she just had a bookstore basically signed over to her if she can prove she’s capable of running it on her own for the next year, which I’m positive she can. I don’t guess I can blame her for not bringing that up on a first date, though.

“That sounds fascinating. What’s your podcast about?” I ask, keeping the attention on her as much as I can.

“Oh, it’s nothing too out there,” she says, the hint of a blush creeping up her neck, staining her skin the most adorable shade of pink.

“I’d love to hear more about it if you’re willing to share.” I pull my knees to my chest and sling my arms around them, clasping my left wrist loosely.

She looks unsure but eventually relents. “I’ve been getting these birthday cards since I was a kid,” she begins, looking up at me through her lashes, waiting for me to poke fun at her. “They started out super cute. Handmade, colored and everything. Every year like clockwork, I’d have one in my mailbox on my birthday. Never a day early and never late. It was always exactly the same, down to the words inside. Until recently.”

I raise my eyebrows, acting like that’s the wildest thing that ever graced my ears. “What changed?”

“Literally everything. It’s gotten to the point where Abby thinks he might be dangerous. After all these years, he’s started leaving cards more often, sometimes with little presents.” At this, she can’t keep the small smile from tugging up the right side of her lips.

“It doesn’t seem like you think he’s dangerous?” I don’t know what makes me ask the question, but I instantly regret it. Everything could completely fall apart right here.

She shrugs, doing her best to seem nonchalant. “I dunno. I think it’s odd after so many years of the same behavior. It threw me off a bit at first, but I guess I don’t really think he would hurt me, ya know? I feel like we have some sort of unspoken bond or something.” She tucks her hair behind her ear before meeting my eyes again. “I’m sure that sounds so stupid. You must think I’m psychotic.”

“Quite the opposite actually. It does sound like you have a connection of some sort with this guy,” I say solemnly before giving her my most dazzling smile. “Or maybe the guy is a total freak who’s trying to lull you into a false sense of comfort.”

She slugs me on my shoulder before a laugh bubbles up from her chest. “Abby said the same thing!”

The next three hours fly by with Violet doing most of the talking. I interject often enough to keep her from feeling like she’s doing all of the talking, but let her run the show for the most part.

When the sun begins to sink lower in the sky, she pulls her phone from her pocket to check the time. “Time is really flying by,” she says with a laugh. “It’s already after eight.” She stands, brushing the backs of her thighs to rid them of any grass or dirt before bending to collect the garbage and pack up the leftovers.

“Gotta go already?” I ask, not wanting the night to end but knowing it might be for the best. I don’t want to get too involved too fast. If I seem too eager, it might scare her off. That could ruin everything. Better to play at being at least slightly impartial to whether she stays or goes.