Page 39 of The Editor’s Choice

“As for you, Roman,” he begins, turning back toward me. “It truly pains me to say our time together has run its course.” He must see the pain flash through my eyes, my chest feeling like it’s going to implode at any second. I feel like I’ve been gutted.

“Wait. What? Why? You’ve lost your mind, James,” I begin, hating how close I sound to begging. This has been such a big part of my life, and I don’t have a clue how to go forward without this part of it.

“I can’t work with you from here on out, son. You’ll be a liability. It’s obvious that she means a great deal to you, especially if you were willing to bring her here and ask for my help, knowing how I’ve felt about Emily and her father. Knowing the assignment you were on. I’m sorry, but our time together is done.” He hugs me one last time as a single tear slips from my eye, down onto the shoulder of his button up shirt.

Wiping my eye clear of any emotional evidence, I stand up straight, doing my best to respect his decision. I chose her, therefore choosing to end my career and relationship with James. I made this bed, so it’s time to lie in it.

“If you’ll so kindly see your way out. You know the way,” he says, slipping back into his desk chair before handing me the thumb drive and gesturing to the door.

Chapter Twenty-One

Jade

Once we’re outside of James’s office, another man, skinnier and shorter than the first guy we dealt with, leads us back to the front door. Although, that wasn’t necessary, as I could see it from the landing outside the office. Precautions, I guess.

The guy smelled of stale cigarettes and body odor, like he hadn’t showered in close to a week, which might be true judging by his greasy hair. It takes actual effort to keep myself from gagging as we’re being led to the door.

“Been nice working with you, man,” the guy says, reaching his hand out to shake Roman’s.

Roman doesn’t hesitate to extend his hand, taking the guard’s hand in a firm but friendly shake. “You too, Finn. Don’t hesitate to call if you ever need something. You know I’ve got your back,” he says before placing his hand on my lower back and ushering me back out onto the abandoned street.

The walk back to the car is radio silence. Not a sound from either of us, nor a sound from anywhere around us. No dogs, birds, people. Literally silent. It feels… wrong.

I do my best to shake the feeling as Roman opens the car door and I slide into the passenger seat. Back to mock safety.

After that little meeting, I don’t feel any better. If anything, I honestly feel worse. Seeing this side of him has made his confession very real. I fully believed him at his word, but seeing him operate in this place allowed everything to click into place.

Most of the car ride back to his apartment is silent, minus him asking if I was hungry. Truly, I hadn’t had the first thought about food. Now that he had asked, I felt ravenous, albeit a little nauseous from the day’s events.

As we pull up to the apartment building, I’m nearly drooling from the smell of the food as we make our way to his door. We settled on a little diner with fresh burgers and fries, and the smell wafting from the dinner boxes is nothing short of magical.

The silence persists as we make our way up to his apartment. He unlocks the door, holding it open for me to go inside, before following me and locking the deadbolt behind us.

Once in the kitchen, I separate the food, handing him his box before grabbing two bottles of water from the fridge and settling in at the island. The exhaustion and silence both weigh in on me now that I’ve had time to start processing everything that’s happened today. The feeling of the cool tabletop against my forearms slowly brings me back to reality, calming the anxiety raging through my veins.

We’ve done very little talking thus far since our stop at his former boss’s place. There doesn’t feel like there’s a lot to say about it truthfully. It was pretty cut and dry from my perspective.

James isn’t willing to help us. Fuck, I can’t even blame him. I killed his best friend’s daughter, and regardless of the reason, that’s enough to turn damn near anybody away from helping you get out of the mess you made.

But it does make me feel a tad bit better to know that he isn’t going to come after me for it. Even if that means Roman can never work with him again. Even if he loses the only group of people he’s been close with since his childhood.

As the guilt sets in, I begin to pick at my food. From ravenous and starving to barely picking at it and feeling gross and uneasy in a moment’s time.

Roman must notice because he slows his pace on his food as well, watching me carefully. I force a small smile, hoping to placate him long enough for him to finish his dinner. There’s plenty of time for talking afterward.

“So that was a lot, huh?” he asks around a bite of his burger. His tongue snakes out to clear the bit of ketchup clinging to the side of his mouth. I smile a bit at that, caught off guard by how normal that action was while this conversation and our day has been anything but.

“Definitely a lot,” I agree easily, closing the lid of the to-go box, appetite nowhere to be found now. “I had no idea Emily’s dad was tied up in anything like this. He always seemed so… average,” I say with a shrug. “I never would’ve guessed that in a million lifetimes. But I guess that’s true of Emily too. I saw her damn near every day and had no clue, never even the slightest inclination, that something was going on with her. No clue she was in so much trouble.”

My hands lie lifeless on the countertop as I stare down at them, thinking of all the times we painted our nails together. Held hands while we skipped through the hallways at school. These hands braided her hair on hundreds of occasions.

The grief that filters in is excruciating. It steals the air from my lungs, making it feel impossible to breathe. The pain is palpable, ripping through me in waves as it threatens to drown me.

“It’s all my fault,” I say in resolution. It wasn’t intended as a cue for him to soothe me, or to tell me how I was wrong and that wasn’t true. It was simply a statement. It truly is all my fault. That Emily is dead and he has now lost everyone he cares about.

“Listen. You did exactly what you had to do. Yes, you killed her. There’s no denying that fact.” He says it calmly but not coldly. Like he’s talking about the weather outside. “But it was necessary.” He levels his gaze with mine, driving the point home.

“You lost everyone. Because of me. Because of what I did,” I say, keeping my gaze locked with his.