Page 32 of The Editor’s Choice

“However, this is where the confession part comes in,” he states, wringing his hands together nervously now. I’ve rarely seen him nervous. When his eyes flit to mine, there’s a hint of worry in them. In a blink, it’s gone.

“I haven’t been entirely honest with you either,” he leads, holding my gaze. I feel my heart skip a beat before pounding in my chest as the anxiety rises to match my quick breaths.

“Okay…” I stretch out, impatiently waiting to be clued in to whatever it is he felt the need to confess.

“When I said I was a debt collector,” he explains, “I was telling the truth. I just didn’t elaborate. Several years back, I got involved with a man named James. In a world not so different than the one Emily was desperate to escape.” I watch as he swallows, Adam’s apple bobbing quickly. The nervousness is back. I can feel the hesitation from him across the room, which does nothing to ease my discomfort.

“James deals a lot in filthy things. Drugs. Sex work. Occasionally some gambling on a small scale. I don’t agree with everything he does but I got myself out of a shitty life with his help, so I owe it to him when he needs work done and can’t trust anyone else.” He pauses to gauge my reaction, though I do my best to keep my composure and not give anything away. Easier said than done. “I take care of the problem for him when he needs loose ends tied up. I collect on some of these debts with lives.”

The silence hangs between us for long seconds, weighted with the truth of our situations, both together and individually.

He sighs deeply. “You didn’t scream and tell me to leave, or run away yourself, so I guess that’s a good sign. As good as it’s gonna get anyway.” He stands and stretches his arms above his head, his shirt riding up to expose a few inches of his toned stomach and that delicious V that glides down from his hips.

He clears his throat, bringing me back to an absolutely embarrassing reality. I just confessed to murdering my best friend, followed by this gorgeous specimen of a man telling me about his dirty work, and all I can concentrate on is his physique. My cheeks redden at the thought and I can feel the color rising up my neck.

“Sorry,” I apologize weakly. “You were saying?”

This gets a deep chuckle, making me even more embarrassed. I really want to crawl in a hole and die right now.

“I was just professing my undying love for the princess locked away in the tower, and how I managed to slay the three-headed dragon, which had never been done before might I add, in an attempt to impress her enough to run away with me and make me the happiest man on earth,” he says, waving his arms around dramatically, slaying the pretend dragon all over again. “And here you were, daydreaming about a happily taken man.” He rolls his eyes, eliciting a ridiculous belly laugh from me. The kind I haven’t been capable of in I don’t even know how long. Years probably.

“Oh, my sincerest apologies, your highness,” I laugh, sweeping down toward the floor in a mock bow from where I sit in the chair. “It certainly won’t happen again.” I sit back up, pulling my knees to my chest. The sleeves of my sweatshirt cover my hands as I use them to cover the grin still plastered across my face.

I’m greeted with an overexaggerated eye roll, which keeps the smile glued to my face. “I was saying that I have more to confess, on a serious note,” he says, all traces of the carefree laughter gone now. The air grows heavy again, thick with tension from his side.

“I told you about my actual debt collections, what that really entailed. But what I left out was my most recent assignment.” He stops to take me in for a moment. This pause only adds to the gravity of the situation. I have a sick feeling taking root all of a sudden.

“James called me a while back with an important mission. I had taken some time off from collecting, trying to focus more on a respectable career and something I would enjoy. Something I could build a life around. That’s how I ended up in editing and getting your original email about your manuscript, which was absolutely breathtaking by the way.” A small proud smile spreads across his face, warming my soul. I didn’t realize he had even taken the time to read it, especially after everything that’s happened between us. Or not happened, rather.

“Anyway. This assignment. James asked me to take care of something personal for him. He was friends with Emily’s father years ago. He got wind of the trouble she was in, with a rival no less. He was worried about her,” he pauses, a look of shock spreading across my face. I had no idea her dad would have been involved with a man like this. He didn’t seem the type.

“He asked me to bring Emily to him. So he could help her. Maybe get her out of this trouble and get her life back for her, as a repayment to her father. So, I started digging. I’ve found out over the years that getting close with a friend can be a gateway to the actual target,” he states, head hung low with eyes on the floor.

The realization sinks in a few seconds later, feeling like it crushed my soul. We went from happy and laughing, to the realization that I was just a way to get to Emily. An easy passage.

“Wait, wait, wait,” he says, throwing his hands up in protest. “Let me explain. It’s not how that sounded.” I sit in silence, mind whirling. It sounds cliché as fuck, even to myself, but I really thought we had something here.

“Honestly, Roman, I don’t think there’s anything else for us to talk about here.” I push up out of my chair, tears stinging the backs of my eyes.

I make it to the kitchen before he catches me, pinning me to the counter with one arm on each side of my body, inches from me but making sure not to actually touch me. I refuse to look him in the eye. I know I’m acting childish, but the sting is real. Regardless of what has or hasn’t happened between us, my growing feelings for him are real.

“You’re wrong, Jade. We have everything to talk about. There’s still so much to lay out,” he persists, keeping me caged in. The tension is building again, making me miserably uncomfortable. I can’t move without touching him. I’m not claustrophobic by any means, but I suddenly feel as if I can’t breathe, sending me into a mini panic.

“Let me go, Roman,” I plead quietly. I catch his eye, seeing a brief moment of sadness before something else entirely takes over. The look is damn near predatory. The way he’s looking at me sets of an explosion of butterflies in my stomach, fluttering through my veins. Holy fuck.

I put my hand on his chest and push gently, trying to create some space. Instead of moving, though, his hand captures the one still holding onto the countertop, keeping me in place.

“Please talk to me,” he asks softly, voice gentle regardless of what is in his eyes. “Please.”

“Fine,” I concede, pushing a little harder now. He steps back, releasing my hand. With a sigh of relief, I step farther away from him. Grabbing a couple glasses, I fill them with a delicious red wine, sure we will need the help to get through the rest of this talk. Handing one to him, I head back to my chair, hoping to stay in one piece until this is over.

His hand circles my wrist, pulling me onto the couch beside him. I don’t fight, even though I need the space I was trying to create.

“I know how that sounded,” he starts, eyes sincere and filled with anguish now. “I’m fully aware that it sounded like you were just an easy way to get to Emily. To accomplish this task I was given,” he validates. “But I swear to you, Jade. On everything I’ve ever held as sacred, that’s not what this is.” The intensity of his voice has me faltering. There’s no way he’s faking that.

“I’ll admit that at first, you were supposed to be an easy way in. I won’t deny that. But from the moment I saw you in that gym, everything changed. And lord, when I actually got to speak to you and get to know you a little? Hell, it was over for me from the first time we spoke,” he admits, looking shaken and unsure. “There was no going back for me. Not even for a second. Yes, I still had a job to do. That was still important. But that had nothing to do with you from that point on.”

Noticing my shaking hands, I take a sip from my glass before placing it on the small table. I curl into myself, anticipation creeping in. I’m not sure how to feel anymore. One minute, he’s telling me he used me to get to Emily. The next, he’s telling me we had some sort of connection right off the bat.