Page 56 of Marriage and the Midlife Crisis

“That you had a hard-on because another woman was rubbing her nearly naked body all over you…that she was grinding her pussy over your dick. That’s a pretty important part to leave out, Ryan.”

His eyes fell shut again and he nodded as another tear, then another, rolled down his face.

I closed my own eyes, unable to look at him at that moment. I took a deep breath and held it, then slowly exhaled, repeating the process a few times until the blood no longer pounded in my ears.

Images of Ryan and that faceless woman bombarded my brain until I felt sick to my stomach. But as much as his final confession hurt, part of me had been afraid it was going to be so much worse.

“Melanie?” My eyes popped open and I found Kim looking at me with concern. “Do you want to ask anything else right now, or do you need a moment?”

I shook my head, still not looking at Ryan. “I think I’m done for today.”

I stood and reached for my coat and purse, and Ryan stood as well, looking at me as if I were something fragile that he was afraid he would break. He wasn’t too far off with that assessment. I was afraid that if I had to absorb just one more blow, I’d shatter into a million tiny pieces.

“You and I have an individual session scheduled for Tuesday. Do you still want to keep that, or change it to another joint session?”

I hesitated, then asked if we could let her know.

“Of course,” she said, offering me a supportive smile.

“Are you OK to drive?” Ryan asked, and I nodded. “Are you sure? I can call Mark, or Jen if you want me to.”

“I’ll be fine.”

I was almost to the door when he called out, “I’m so sorry, Melanie. I love you, and I hope you can believe that, if nothing else.”

My hand hovered on the door handle, then I squared my shoulders and turned it, then stepped out into the hallway. I heard Ryan asking about a session for himself as I strode down the hall as fast as I could without drawing attention to myself.

I moved on autopilot as I got in my car and started the engine, trying desperately to keep my mind blank as I drove the short distance back to my parents’ condo. I’d originally planned to go back to work after our appointment, but that wasn’t going to happen now.

I sent a quick message off to Neela and Jen to let them know I wouldn’t be in after all, and Jen called me within seconds to make sure I was OK since she knew we’d had our first joint counseling session.

I lied and told her I was fine, but tired. She didn’t totally believe me, but thankfully she didn’t press the issue. After I hung up, I stripped out of my clothes and took a bath in the hottest water I could stand. I laid my head against the back of the tub and staired at the tile on the wall as I replayed every moment of our session.

Each revelation, each confession, each apology.

I decided not to tell you.

My body responded.

It was just a biological reaction.

I soaked in the tub until the water cooled, then forced myself to get out.

I didn’t bother getting dressed, instead pulling on the cozy, soft fleece pajamas I’d picked up from the house on Wednesday. I wasn’t planning to go anywhere for the rest of day, so I might as well be comfortable. Out of habit, I picked up my phone and found a text from the clinic, letting me know my test results were available.

With shaking hands, I logged into the patient portal account I’d set up when I registered at the clinic on Tuesday. Even though I believed that Ryan hadn’t cheated with the stripper, I was nervous for some reason. Residual trauma from my ex-husband, probably. Still, I breathed a sigh of relief when the results were all negative.

I was mindlessly scrolling through the channels on the TV when the doorbell rang a little after three o’clock. When I looked through the peephole, I was surprised to see Tanner’s face staring back at me. I pulled open the door with a smile, to see Garrett standing next to him. Both of them had their backpacks plus a small duffle bag, and both of them were wearing my dad’s jackets that I’d made them take with them on Wednesday.

“This is a surprise,” I said as I pulled each of them into a hug. I stepped back so they could come in, and they dropped their bags in the corner of the entry and shed their borrowed coats.

“We hope it’s OK, but we decided to come hang out with you this weekend. I could use some help with an English paper that’s due Monday.” Garrett said as he bent down to take off his boots.

Tanner turned and hung the coats in the front closet as he added, “I have a Spanish test I need to study for, and since you hablas español, I figured you could quiz me.”

My sons were an awful lot like their dad. They had trouble looking me in the eye when they were lying. I didn’t call them out on it though and just let them think I believed that they came to stay for the weekend so I could help them with their college coursework.

“Solo hablo un poco de Español, mijo, so hopefully it’s an easy test,” I teased, causing Tanner to give me a blank look.