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“You.”

I lean closer, pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

The first drop of rain lands on my cheek, then the next one touches my lips.

“Do you think it's a good sign?” He breathes against my mouth.

“The rain is always a good sign.”

His arms tighten around me as the rain begins to fall around us. I closed my eyes and let myself stay there, held against him beneath a dark and crying sky, softly rocked by the ocean and hidden beyond the cliffs.

I feel it still, the need, the tiredness, it’s behind my eyes, behind the smiles. It’s in between his eyes reflecting it.

I don’t need to know what comes next or if I’ll want to be there tomorrow.

Tonight is enough, and this new memory will always be my safest one.

119

Mireya

Blink and you’ll miss it

Play - Saturn by Sleeping At Last

The steam from my shower makes the bathroom mirror foggy and I place a finger on the glass creating a star with the condensation.

Keep making wishes, Reya.

It’s 3AM again, and I can’t sleep. In just a few hours Hayzel and I will be walking across the stage at St. Ellesta graduating and the next chapter of our lives will begin.

Under any normal circumstances, I should feel nervous about it but I'm not. I can’t wait to say goodbye to this place. Maybe I’ll finally feel lighter once I’m gone.

I take in my appearance. Dark circles still linger underneath my eyes, fresh scars from last week’s relapse sit strangely on my upper arms. But today isn’t a day for ruminating. So, I take a long breath, push the blue makeup bag away from me, and switch off the light.

I pad barefoot out of the bathroom, Milo is sleeping peacefully in the middle of my bed taking up half of the space and I bite down a laugh as I climb in beside him, pulling the duvet over us. Blue is completely out of it on his little bed next to the window, he probably didn’t even see Milo coming in. This cat loves his sleepy time.

My little firefly is still afraid of the dark, apparently. I didn’t even hear him come. How long have I been sitting on the bathroom floor, fighting the need?

I’m losing it…

I reach over him to grab my phone off the nightstand and flip it open. My brow furrows as I notice an unread text from Hayzel.

Hayzel: Can you believe that we're graduating?

Me: Yeah, but are you texting me at 3AM? Sleep woman.

Hayzel: Because I’m EXCITED.

Me: Go to sleep, I’m seeing you in a few hours and you can scream then

Hayzel: Buzzkill.

I shake my head before leaning over Milo again to place the phone back onto the nightstand, he jostles a bit before snuggling back into my chest.

I held him tight, as if I could somehow make a promise with my arms that nothing would hurt him ever again.

Maybe that was the cruelest part of this life. I spent so long learning how to save him that I never learned how to save myself.