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He never makes a big deal out of it.

Sometimes he barely says anything. He just comes in, plays with Blue if I’m too tired to do so, changes his food, water and litter like he’s also his cat. Then he sits nearby, and makes sure I eat something. Sometimes he stays until I calm down, and sleeps next to me.

We talk all night, and then when the morning comes he leaves. Our relationship changed a lot, I know it. When I look down at my sketches again, at those hands getting closer and closer, I know this is not ephemeral.

The mean thoughts are still there. So is the loud voice, the anger, all of it. He hasn’t made any of it go away. But now, when I feel myself slipping too far, he pulls me into his arms and holds me until I can breathe again.

Two days ago was the Fourth of July. I spent the day with Hayzel, called Milo and Edna who were already out to look at the sky lightning up. Then we took Blue with us to watch the fireworks from afar. He didn’t like it… Hayzel left before the night was over, brought back Blue with her and I stayed. Damien found me there, and somehow, I ended up spending the rest of the night with him.

Now, sitting in my bed with Blue playing with my hand, I try my hardest to focus on these new memories. Happy ones. Good ones.

There's this heavy weight in my chest that keeps coming back and refuses to leave me alone even when I pretend to be functioning, even when I talk to myself just to check that my voice still exists.

Blue lifts his head up toward the door when I see

A note sliding under my door. I stand up, crouching down to grab it. My fingers hesitate for a second and when I open it, I recognize his handwriting.

Follow the stars, same place.

-Library

I remain motionless for a long time with the paper in my hand. Follow the stars?

A smile appears on my lips, as I straighten up. “I’ll be back,” I tell Blue, who’s looking at me confused. “I don’t know either, baby, I’ll tell you when I’m home.”

I get ready quickly before picking up Blue and his things, and knock on Hayzel’s door. She opens it and looks at me for a second too long, and she smiles.

“Okay,” she says immediately, “Let me guess. You have something to work on with Mister Caldwell?”

I let out a laugh and push her back in gently, as Blue follows us. “I'm going for a... walk, woman.”

She nods slowly. “Walk, meaning, him. You think I’m blind, Rey?”

Blue settles on her bed as we stay there, looking at each other and smiling stupidly. “He’s a really good teacher…”

Her eyes widen and she lets out a big gasp before shaking my arms excitingly. “Oh you two kissed!” I look away and she immediately understands we did more than that. “You’re lying! Did you see him naked?”

I laugh, coveting up my face. “Maybe?”

She kisses my cheek before sitting next to Blue and looks up at me. “You can go, but once you’re back, I need you to tell me everything, and I mean, every-thing.”

I nod quickly, leaving a kiss on Blue’s head and when I open the door again I turn toward her, “Promise I will. Be careful,” I say.

I close the door behind me, his note still in my hand. I still have no idea what he has planned. Follow the stars…

I cross the campus and take the small path through the trees leading to the cliffs. It’s dark here, I try to understand what he meant by that and before I can ask myself more questions I see them. Between the trees. Paper stars, hanging from the branches, one after another, leading me toward the cliffs.

What is happening?

I stay there, not moving forward, because it hits me all at once. Paper stars in the night, as if he tried to redraw the sky at ground level for me. Some are perfectly cut, others are crooked, slightly crumpled, with uneven edges. They’re my favorite ones.

Because he sat down and took the time to cut them out, one by one.

He did this for me.

I keep walking, but the path feels different now. Same trees, same ground beneath my feet, same cliffs waiting at the end of it. But somehow, he’s changed the whole place without even being here. Then I see the car, and him. He’s leaning against the door, a cigarette burning slowly between his fingers. Beside him sits a small blue lantern, its light spilling softly onto the ground.

He watches me approach but doesn't move. His eyes find mine and then he says, “Are you going to stay there and watch me, or are you coming?”