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“Then be my problem.”

My fingers slacken slightly in his grip. “What?”

“Be my problem, Mireya, be it and I’ll take care of you loudly.” He pulls me closer as his arms tighten around me. A hug. He’s hugging me. That’s when I let it out. I melt against him. The tiredness, the hate, the pain… “Stop fighting me for one second,” he whispers. “I’ve got you.”

He lets go of my wrists slowly, like he’s choosing the exact moment I’m allowed to exist without him holding me there. And I step back, but I still feel him too close, like my body hasn’t fully caught up to the fact that he isn’t touching me anymore.

I’m still angry. It hasn’t gone anywhere. It just sits there, heavy and useless, because he’s not reacting the way I want him to. He’s not leaving, he’s not…disappearing.

He looks at me for a second, then leans in close enough for me to hear it through the noise in the background. “We’re not done,” he says quietly. “And I know you’ve still got more to say to me.” A pause. “But not here. Get in the car.”

Students are coming out of the bar behind us, laughing, spilling into the street like nothing happened. Yeah, so… Not here.

I look back at him. He’s already waiting, like he knew I would understand and I follow him.

100

Mireya

Play - Lonely Day by System Of A Down

Falling

Thirty minutes. Thirty minutes in the car next to him until we park in front of his house. Thirty minutes of silence and thoughts circling. Nothing makes sense. Not with the wind tearing at everything, not with the ocean like a black void below the cliff, not the sound of his breathing and the memories of him getting me out of the party.

I walk closer to the edge without giving him the time to react. I can feel him behind me before I hear him. “Step back.”

I almost laughed at this. “Why?”

The wind hits my face hard enough to sting. I deserve it, honestly. I deserve it all. I’ve been a bad sister, a bad daughter, a fucking bad person. Why am I still fighting ? For him? It can’t be right, and it can’t be enough.

“Because you’re too close to the edge.”

I tilt my head slightly, still not turning, and then I open my arms, as if I could fall into the wind if I wanted to. That’s when I turned to look at him. “I used to want to jump when I was a kid.”

“Don’t,” he says immediately. He sounds afraid. But it’s okay, I am not scared of it.

I swallow, “I grew up thinking that her thoughts were mine too.” A tear falls down before I continue, “and then I found out it wasn’t true, thanks to you…And suddenly I don’t even know what part of me is real anymore.”

I open my arms wider now, like I’m daring the air itself. My eyes don’t leave his as I take another step to the void. “Would you miss me if I jumped, Damien?” I say, and a second tear slips down my cheek.

His face changes instantly. Broken. “I’d die,” he says quietly.

“You already saved me here once,” I say, with a shaky voice, “I was in pieces. I was bleeding. And you stayed, you took care of me and made a wish too.” I look at him properly and add, “You remember that, don’t you?”

“I remember everything about you,” he says.

I wipe my cheek quickly, angry at myself for crying, like a child needing proof that it’s going to be okay. “I want to stop,” I whisper.

“It scares me, Mireya,” he says suddenly. “What I feel when you do this, it terrifies me more than anything.”

I hate that my chest tightens. “I don’t know how to stop,” I admit.

Then he moves closer. “Then stop trying to do it alone.”

I shake my head. “You don’t get it. I want it to stop,” my voice breaks. “All of it.”

He steps forward again, right up to the edge with me. Like if I fall, he will too.