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He smiles sadly and lights a cigarette.

“How are you feeling, Mireya?”

His question is so simple it almost angers me, because deep down, he knows I haven’t been okay. He saw the bandage, he saw the anger, he saw the addiction, he knows it all.

“I don’t know how to talk to you anymore, Damien,” I reply after a few seconds, and the admission feels like losing when I catch his eyes on me.

“Neither do I, Mireya…”

I shake my head, laughing softly at how absurd we look here. “I hate that I still want to.”

His expression shifts, turning gentle, sad in his cold way. “What?”

I swallow my pride, looking back at him, letting my smile take over, “To talk to you.” Do I sound stupid? “Even now, you’re still the person I want to call.”

He looks away, jaw tightening, pain flooding his eyes. “I thought you hated me.”

“I do.” Lie. Lie. Lie. “Sometimes, I do.”

His eyes find mine again, hopeful as a soft smile lifts his mouth. “And the rest of the time?”

I don’t answer, because the rest of the time, he’s everything my soul craves and everything my reason wants to push away.

His gaze never leaves mine. It’s soft and feels impossible for a man like him, it’s careful like he’s afraid the wrong look might break me. That’s why it hurts. Somewhere beneath my ribs, deep inside my chest, to be seen so completely by someone I keep trying to push away.

“Don’t look at me like that…”

His brows furrow as he replies, “Like what, Mireya?”

“Like I'm someone you can save,” I breathe. “Because I’m not.” Soft blue eyes are still there, stripping away layers of what I’m made for and I keep adding more in the process. “I’m going to find the person who did this, and if I have to burn everything down to get there, I will.”

“That’s not justice, you know that…”

“No, you’re right,” I reply as I look him in the eyes. “It’s revenge. And I’m choosing it. I’m choosing anger.” My throat tightens but I continue, “And I’m choosing not to drag you down with me.”

His face shifts, he takes a long drag of his cigarette before crushing it between his fingers as always. “Don’t pretend pushing me away is some kind of sacrifice, Mireya. If you want revenge, I’ll give you that, we can burn it down together.” His voice is soft and certain when he adds, “But you don’t get to take my choice away because I know what you’re doing.”

I focus on Blue’s purr against my chest, trying to find a reply but he doesn’t let me say anything when his voice drops again, “You’re trying to make me leave.”

A long exhale escapes my lips. “Maybe I am.”

When his eyes meet mine again, all I see is pain and confusion, and I know I’m making the right choice. “Why?” he asks.

There are a thousand answers. Because I’m angry, because I’m scared, because I don’t know how to be loved without waiting for it to be taken away. And mostly because he’s the only person who makes me believe I can be better, and I don’t know if I can be that.

“Because you were right, Damien,” I reply and his eyebrows pull together. I force myself to look at him. “About us, you were right when you said we couldn’t happen.”

The words taste like blood on my tongue.

“Don’t…”

A bitter smile touches my lips. “You’re standing there, asking me not to destroy myself, but you don’t understand,” My voice shakes before I continue, “I already know how this ends.”

Breathe, and be honest.

“You stay, you try, you see every ugly part of me, and eventually you realize you were right.”

His face hardens. “I was never afraid of any part of you.”