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“Do it anyway.”

A long sigh escapes his lips, then he replies, “Okay boss, I’ll be there in an hour, maybe a little longer if I get a flight right away.”

“Be there.”

“Send me the address.”

I hang up, and a few seconds later, I give him the location, then stand there, in front of the car, watching her, as if looking away for even a second could be enough to lose it.

I thought wanting her meant knowing her, I was wrong.

There were rooms inside her grief that even I couldn't find even if I tried my hardest to navigate how messy and dark her mind was, I was still lost on how to read her.

I had spent months watching her and still missed the most important thing. How easily she would close herself up whenever danger was finding her.

The journey to the St. Ellesta residence takes place in almost complete silence. I regularly glance towards her, but she never looks at the road. Her eyes remain fixed somewhere in front of her, on a point I cannot see.

She was looking at the city as if she were trying to say goodbye.

What do you need from me, Mireya?

When we arrive, she doesn't protest when I help her out of the car, she walks forward quickly, not looking back at me. I unlock her bedroom door and let her in, her cat appears almost immediately. Usually, Blue is wary of me at first. This time, he doesn't even look at me, he goes straight to her, like if he understands she needs him.

I help her sit on the edge of the bed while I run the shower in the small bathroom here.

She doesn't say anything. I don't even know if she hears what's going on around her. Her hand absentmindedly caresses Blue as he purrs close to her chest.

When I came back, she was in the exact same position.

“Come on.” She looked up at me, and when her eyes met mine, I felt like she recognized me again. “Just a shower.”

She nodded and grabbed my hand. Even beneath the hot water, she was still trembling.

I washed my hands first, ignoring the sting of my own wound, then turned back to her.

Slowly, I cleaned the blood from her skin. She kept her eyes lowered, letting me see every part of her she usually tries so hard to hide.

When she finally stepped out, I wrapped a towel over her shoulders and looked away as she changed. Giving her the only thing I could. Some control.

I didn't know what to fix first, so I just stayed there watching her sit next to her window, with Blue jumping on her lap. Because caring for her was as easy as breathing. But wanting her was the part I couldn’t allow.

She looked exhausted from existing, so I sat next to her, not saying much at first, until her head fell down my shoulder.

“Whatever is hurting you…give it to me for a minute,” I say, putting my arm behind her back.

She looked at her hands as if they belonged to someone else, then she said, “I didn't want to.” She keeps her eyes fixed on the window before continuing. “Or maybe I did…” Her breath trembles. “He tried to force me and I just…”

Her eyes close for a few seconds. But I don’t want to interrupt her. I want her to let it out. To let me listen and see me stay even after that conversation.

“I remembered,” she adds softly. “I remembered how much it hurt.” Her voice breaks completely on the last word. “And then I couldn't see where I was anymore.”

She stops for a moment, her mouth parting as if she wanted to speak but the words got too heavy for her to say. So I reach out for her hand, squeezing her fingers.

“I felt like I was suffocating,” she whispers finally, “Like I was still there and I knew I wasn't, but my body…” She shakes her head. “My body didn't understand.”

“Look at me.”

Her eyes meet mine, red, exhausted, terrified and angry at the same time. Angry for feeling guilty because she chose herself for the first time in her whole life.