Page 100 of The Rules of Dating

“Adam Altman,” I said through gritted teeth.

Maya reached to the back of her chair and dug into her purse, pulling out a cell phone. She typed for a minute and then looked up. “On Fifty-Third?”

I nodded.

She clicked around a few more times before lifting her cell to her ear. Her eyes never left my face as she spoke. “Hello, I’d like to make an appointment with Mr. Altman, please.”

She was quiet for a moment, then… “Yes, a rather urgent immigration issue. Would he have anything available right away? Tomorrow, perhaps? I know it’s a Saturday, but we really need to speak to someone as soon as possible.”

Quiet again. She covered the phone and leaned forward. “Tomorrow at three PM?”

“Fine.”

I vaguely paid attention as she spoke for the next few minutes, giving both our names and other information to make the appointment. When she hung up, she looked pleased with herself. “All set. I’ll meet you there.”

“Can’t wait,” I grumbled.

“So tell me, how is Marisol doing? Is she healthy and thriving?” Maya shook her head. “I mean Saylor? That’s what you call her now, correct?”

“Do you even really give a shit?”

“Of course. She was named after my grandmother, you know.”

“Oh yeah? Did your grandmother raise your mother?”

Maya’s forehead wrinkled. “Yes.”

“Well, I’m glad her original name was from a good mother and not you, at least.” I pushed away from the table and stood. “By the way, she’s Saylor because you left without even telling me her name. I had to call her something. I’ll be there tomorrow at three.”

***

Maya showed up the next afternoon with her attorney. Xavier Hess was as crooked as his client.

“I have someone on the inside at the local immigration office,” he said. “I’ll get the case pulled and fast tracked as soon as the paperwork is filed.”

My attorney shook his head. “I don’t want any part of anything illegal.”

“Nothing illegal about having friends. Don’t tell me you’ve never schmoozed a judge’s clerk to get your case called first because you had a packed day?”

“As long as that’s all it is.”

“How long will it take if we get it fast tracked?” I asked.

“Probably only a few months,” Xavier said.

“Good. I’d like to be divorced by year’s end.”

My attorney frowned. “Colby, you’re going to have to keep those kinds of comments to yourself. I can’t represent you if I believe your marriage to Maya is a sham.”

For the first time since the evil witch walked back into my life, Maya looked a little nervous. She reached into my lap and took my hand. “It’s not a sham marriage. Colby just has a dark sense of humor, right, sweetheart?”

I yanked my hand away.

My attorney looked between us before speaking. “You’ll need to know each other very well. The interview process is not always simple. They sometimes ask invasive questions that a husband and wife should know about each other.”

My brows pulled together. “Like what?”

“Anything they want. How quickly did you have sex for the first time? How many siblings do you each have? What was the proposal like? Your answers need to be in sync, or you’ll be referred for a fraud interview. Like I told you the other day, the penalty for attempting to defraud the government by marrying someone for immigration status is up to five years in prison and a two-hundred-and-fifty-thousand-dollar fine.”