Page 3 of Pretty and Loco

“Leah, I’m going to approve your release. I’ve listened to you for the last hour, and I’m very proud of your progress. Not because I believe a single word of the answers you memorized from your worksheet. But solely because you now have the discretion not to say everything you really feel. As little as sixty days ago, you didn’t have that. At the very least, you can now tell right from wrong. Just as you used your judgment in this interview, I trust you to keep practicing right from wrong when you are released. You know what you do is wrong, yet you continue doing it anyways.”

Well, I’ll be damned. This whole time I thought I was outsmarting her, and she saw right through me. I couldn’t even debate with her, especially since she had already signed the papers and slid them across the desk for me to sign as well.

I scribbled my name so fast that I could have literally been voluntarily recommitting myself, and wouldn’t have known it. I wanted to go home so badly that I didn’t even read the documents.

“Thank you, Mrs. Jennings,” I said as I stood from the desk and gave her the brightest smile.

“Leah.” She called out. “Off the record, can I give you a piece of advice? No clinical terms, just woman to woman?” She asked before I could reach the door.

I spun on my heels.

“Of course.”

“Don’t ever try to make rejection make sense. Sometimes a man doesn’t have an excuse for not choosing you. He just doesn’t, and that’s okay. Life goes on, and you don’t have to spend yours making him pay for it; just make that negro regret it.”

I giggled, but the words settled heavily in the room.

Before I could speak, she put up a hand to silence me so she could continue.

“I hope you can control what you tell yourself about why he doesn’t choose you, or else this will happen again. Enjoy your freedom, Leah. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Mrs. Jennings, I can assure you that this will never happen again.”

“I hope not.”

“It won’t.”

I twisted the knob on the door and took a step before I turned around to face her once more.

“Because this time, the man I choose will love me back.”

I could see the color drain from her face. With those final words, I walked out of the office and let the door close behind me. I picked up the large plastic bag that I had left in the hallway containing all my things: letters, pictures, and clothing that had been sent to me during my stay, then I headed toward the front door.

I inhaled deeply as the light hit my face, and my lungs expanded with fresh air. I shielded my eyes from the sun and scanned the parking lot for any sign of my baby sister. When I spotted her running across the parking lot, I dropped all my things and met her halfway.

My new life begins now.

Ricardo "Rocko" Sanders

Current Day

I stepped out of the dressing room and turned toward the mirror closest to me. My eyes scanned the pinstriped purple-and-black suit, the white collared shirt underneath, and the green tie. Then my eyes went to the shoes on my feet. They were heavy, black-and-white. I felt like I was about to go tap dancing. I shook my head at my reflection staring back at me.

“Man, I look like a fucking fool,” I mumbled as I turned and looked at the fit of the suit. It wasn’t the best option in terms of looks, but it fit perfectly and wouldn’t require any alterations.

The attendant who had been standing to the side waiting came closer once I spoke.

“No, you don’t. You look like The Joker, and I think it’s the perfect costume for the event. If you want, you can stop back by on your way there, and me or one of the ladies here can paint your face for you and spray your hair green for it to come together.” She offered as she came closer, fixed the tie, and smoothed the collar down.

Before I could decline her offer, the door next to me opened and my teammate Speedy stepped out. He was dressed in a cheetah-print suit, with a cane in one hand and a cup damn near bigger than him in the other. Anyone could tell immediately that he was dressed as a pimp. As soon as we made eye contact, we both started laughing at the other.

“I don’t know, Rock, I ain’t feeling this shit.” He scoffed and pushed the scarf tied around his head out of his face.

“Yeah, me either. I’m just staying at the hotel,” I shot back, unbuttoning the blazer so I could take it off.

“Hell nah. I didn’t come all the way here to stay in the hotel. We’re going; let’s grab this shit and get the night over with.” He disagreed.

I didn’t respond; I just went back into the dressing room to take off the costume and get ready to buy it, because I knew he was right. Tonight was my coach’s annual Halloween party. Although I had been on the team for years, this was my first year attending. I wasn’t the partying type of nigga. I was always to myself and out of the way. But my teammates always made sure to come back year after year and let me know that I had missed a hell of an event.