Page 16 of Lust and Honor

I take another sip of my coffee, unable to peel my eyes off the gold metal business card sitting on the table. Outside, the first drops of autumn rain trace slow trails down the café’s tall window. It was still sunny when I left the house, so I just threw on a loose T-shirt and jeans.

Now I’ve lingered so long the sky’s gone dark, and if I don’t make a move soon, I’ll freeze on my way back. I glance across the street at the club, watching it slowly fill with people.

God, what am I even doing here? I don’t know. Why is this golden card still in my life after four years? Why does the memory of the man who saved me from something worse than death still haunt me?

A lot has happened since then. That nightmare taught me a hard lesson: I had to live in the shadows. As soon as Sister Maria found out, she used her connections to get me work as a live-in nanny for wealthy families in guarded homes.

It’s been four years. I’m safe. I have a good job, decent money, and a stable life. But something’s still broken. I can’t trust men. I can’t even let one hold my hand. I’m a beautiful girl—plenty of guys have come and gone. But none of them were what I wanted.

And if I’m being honest, I know exactly what’s wrong with me. I want him. The man who saved me without hesitation, without asking for anything in return. I’ve spent years building fantasies around him, no real man even comes close.

And here I am. Sitting across from the club whose business card he gave me years ago, debating whether to walk in or not. What would I even say if I did? He told me to come to him if I was in trouble. And If I’m being real, this is trouble.

If I keep going like this, I’ll never know love. I’ll never have a family of my own, and that’s what I want more than anything in this world. I want a family. Having never had one, I want to build my own.

But where does Maxim fit into this story? I don’t have an answer, just this deep feeling in my heart that I need to see him. I’ve known for years I need to see him. It feels like my life is an incomplete puzzle, and only meeting him will make it whole. My heart is locked tight, and only this man holds the key.

I glance outside again. The rain has stopped and now, like an arrow loosed from the bow, all that energy finally launches me forward. Before it fades, I stand and cross the street.

The hulking bouncer spots me, puffing out his massive chest, using his body as a human barrier to block my way.

“This is a private club,” he says flatly. “If you’re looking to have fun, there’s a bar down the street.”

I hold up the business card Maxim gave me and try to sound confident. “I want to see Maxim. He gave me this card.”

The bouncer takes it from me and studies it closely. A knowing smirk plays on his lips. “A golden business card, huh? You must be really special.”

He hands it back and steps aside, adding, “Maxim’s not here yet. You’ll want to talk to Elen first. No matter how good you are, you’re not getting hired unless she clears you.”

Hired?

I have no idea what he’s talking about, and I don’t care. I walk through a sleek, mirror-lined hallway, and the moment I step into the main area, I’m hit with a wall of pounding music that shakes my insides, loud chatter, and the sharp sting of alcohol in the air. The lighting is a dim blur of clashing colors.

I take a few more steps and look around like a kid visiting an amusement park for the first time. Which, in a way, this is my first time. It’s the first time I’ve ever set foot in a strip club.

Heaven.

I have to admit, this version of heaven looks nothing like the one Sister Maria used to describe. My eyes go wide as I take in the girls twirling naked around poles and the way the men stare at them like they’re watching dessert melt in slow motion.

I’m completely absorbed by the scenes, all so new and jarring, when a voice calls from behind me, “You the new girl?”

I turn toward the sound and see a young man behind the bar. His hair is short and dyed violet, his eyebrows are thin and arched, and he’s got a dangling earring in his right ear.

“New girl?” I echo, blinking in confusion.

He elaborates, “Yeah, the one with the golden business card. And judging by that face of yours, I can totally see why the boss handed you one.”

He gives me a sassy once-over, all sisterly and smug. “But girl, you seriously need to do something about your outfit. If Elen sees you in that baggy T-shirt and washed-out jeans, she’s going to have a heart attack.”

Boss? So Maxim owns this place?

The bartender’s tone makes me think of two options. Either he’s gay, or he’s the sassiest straight man I’ve ever met.

“I’m not here for Elen. I want to see Maxim,” I say after sliding onto a barstool.

He glances around, then leans in close. As he pours me a shot of vodka, he murmurs, “Keep your voice down, sweetheart. Maxim might’ve vouched for you, but if Elen decides she doesn’t like you, she’ll make your life hell. And trust me, not even Maxim can save you from that. You’d better charm the socks off Elen tonight, because if she gives you the green light, there’s good money in this gig. I mean, come on, don’t tell me you actually enjoy walking around in those bargain-bin clothes forever?”

I can’t help but laugh. I knock back the shot and flash him a cocky grin. “For your information, I bought these last week, and they cost me a hundred euros.”