Page 79 of Matteo

“Elizabeth? It’s Matteo.”

“Oh … hi.”

Unease slides into my gut because she sounds relatively normal. She's avoiding me. Or she's embarrassed about what happened.

“You called in sick.” I shift in my chair, feeling uncomfortable. She's pulling away, not because she's fine, but because I made her feel uneasy. This contract is important to her and she can't risk anything happening between us.

“I-I’m … not feeling too good.”

I detect some hesitation. “You called Joel, and not me.” The moment it slips out, I regret sounding like a whiny four-year-old.

“When I called, you were in a meeting with Alex.”

She's right. “I was. Yes. Sorry.”

Silence.

“What's wrong?” I ask, because she doesn't sound ill at all; not that I expect her to be on her last legs, struggling to breathe, or anything, but I hate the thought that she might have regrets about what happened between us.

“I'm ...” A pause, then, “I don’t feel so great.”

“You don’t feel so great?” I parrot. She sounds just like she always does. No cough. No sound of the sniffles. My worst suspicions are getting confirmed and I’m convinced that she’s staying away because she can't bear to face me.

“I get the feeling that you don’t believe me,” she says.

I pause. How do I get out of this? “I just ... wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I'm ill.”

“We've established that.” I feel like an idiot. “Well, rest up and get better.”

“Yes, sir.”

I chuckle.

Chapter 20

ELIZABETH

Matteo doesn't believe me.

I don't sound ill, because I don't have a cold or a fever, but it's that time of the month again when I always get period cramps, and they're awful. So debilitating. So painful. Sometimes I can't even get out of bed.

I’ve tried taking magnesium. I’ve tried ibuprofen, naproxen, hot baths and heating pads, but so far nothing has helped apart from having a hot water bottle and lying in bed. Or on the couch, as I am this morning.

It's so unfair that men never have to suffer like women do.

There was no point in telling Matteo. I wouldn't want to tell my boss something like that, and even though I don't see him as my boss, this is too much information given that we’re not especially close. Not even after last night. Our dynamics have shifted a little, but not enough that I feel settled. It’s so rocky, and uncertain. I shouldn’t be in this situation, but I can’t pull myself away. My attraction to this man was sealed before I knew who he was, and I can’t pretend I don’t feel anything for him, when I so badly do.

I’ve been lying curled on the couch all morning, tucked into myself and clutching my hot water bottle for comfort. The TV is on but I'm not watching it. I just have it on for the background noise so that it's not dead silent in here.

My stomach cramps come, sharp and stabbing, making me curl more into myself and clutch the water bottle as I ride out the wave of pain. It only dulls it a little.

My skin feels clammy one moment, then too hot the next.

I'm fidgety and restless, my thoughts chaotic.

I keep thinking of Matteo.