Page 193 of Matteo

He’s listening intently.

“I hadn’t seen Vlad for three years. And Takumi, the first time I saw him was when I met Vlad for the first time, though, after that, we worked on something … something that got messed up, and that’s when we all went our separate ways.”

He doesn’t interrupt, or ask questions, just takes it all in, sitting back in his chair, hands clasped loosely over his stomach. He seems almost ... relieved. I stare at my hands, then clasp them together, then rest them on the desk, then place them on my lap. I inhale a long steadying breath.

“I shouldn’t have shut you down when you asked. I should have given you the answers you were looking for, and I'm sorry that I didn't.”

His eyes soften, erasing the fear that I saw in them earlier. “I wish you had.”

That hurt he talked about, the one buried deep, and hiding inside him, for Matteo, it was trust. He needed to trust me, and he couldn't with me being secretive.

“We’re both guilty of something,” he says.

I meet his eyes, defiant. “We are.”

“Will you ever forgive me?”

“Uh.” My mouth turns drier. “There's something else I need to tell you.”

He sits forward, hands on the desk, his soft expression hardening again. “What?”

A few seconds pass before I can answer. The back of my neck feels clammy, and my stomach feels queasy. “I didn't answer whenever you asked about my past, about Vlad, because ...” This is something I’ve avoided talking about, after the interrogation, even with Vlad.

“Elizabeth?”

“I used to be a hacker.” I get the words out quickly.

He gasps, going still, not even blinking as my confession dangles like a sword above us. For a moment, neither of us speaks. And when he finally does, he says something I never expected.

“I had an idea that you might have been.”

Surprise jolts me forward. “You did? Then why didn't you say?”

He chuckles, and it hits me, how much I miss that sound. How much I miss the lightness and joy. How much I miss us.

“It was just a thought after—” He pauses, and it's my turn to be scared.

“After what?”

“There's something I need to tell you,” he says.

I sink back against my chair. “I don't know if I can handle more shocking news.”

“I hope you won't hate me more than you already do.”

Now I'm really scared. “W-what is it?”

“I asked Alex to do a background check on Vlad.”

I open my mouth to protest but no words come out.

“I'm sorry.” Matteo looks so apologetic. “But I had to. He seemed to have some sort of hold over you, and you were always so vague about him, I didn't understand what you didn't want to tell me. I had to find out.”

I let that rest a while, and mull it over in my head, looking at my behavior from his viewpoint, I can see why.

“I ... get it ...” I say, finally. Because I do.

He stares at me as if he's expecting me to freak out any moment now. “You're not joking. You mean it, that you understand?”