Page 172 of Matteo

Guilt gnaws away at me each time I think of her, and I struggle to comprehend her involvement.

At the same time, I can barely breathe without her.

I still don’t know if I can trust her. I want to. I want to believe the best in her. But I can’t operate on blind trust alone because I need something solid.

These days, having her sitting outside my office, where I have such a perfect view of her, is torture. I have to force myself to not look up. To have tunnel vision so I can concentrate on the task at hand, and forget about Dubrovnik, and Vlad, and the things I heard.

I look up when Rio shouts my name. They’re both staring at me.

“Dude?” Rio peers at me as if I'm ill. “You good?”

I look from his concerned face to Enzo's.

“You checked out of the conversation,” Enzo states.

“Sorry. The jetlag is killing me.” I cut into my steak, forcing myself to eat. I haven't eaten much since I landed and my appetite has been non-existent. I don't feel ill. No fever or temperature, but I just don't feel like I usually do. I feel weirdly spaced out.

“How was the wedding?” Enzo wants to know.

“Don’t start with the wedding. Tell us how things are with you and …” Rio looks at me, like he’s forgotten her name.

My stomach fills with dread. This was the one thing I didn't want them to ask. “Elizabeth,” I say, feeling the pinch of her name on my tongue. It’s been dead, flat and dull, life at the office. I try not to focus on Elizabeth sitting at her desk in clear view. Today was tough, seeing her for the first time since Dubrovnik.

Everything good between us has turned cold. There will be no more intimate dinners or conversations. No more kisses or touches or hugs.

No more sex.

“The wedding was good,” I say, acting nonchalant as I lift my beer. “I met her friends, and there was a barbecue one day. It was ... cool.”

“Cool?” Enzo asks, lifting a brow.

“Just cool?” Rio echoes, cutting into his steak.

I shrug. “It was a wedding. I met her friends. We wandered around Dubrovnik, and then I went to see Mama.”

Rio eyes me, like he can see right through me, but he doesn't say anything. I tell them about my trip to see Mama. I tell them about everything except the shit show that’s happening at work.

“Is it ethical for her to still work for you?” Rio asks.

“What do you mean?” I haven’t told them that everything currently points to Elizabeth having something to do with the tech issues. I wonder if they’ve heard something.

Rio peers at me. “You being her boss. Do you think it’s wise dating an employee?”

I lift my shoulder, not wanting to go down this route. “She’s working here for now.”

“That’s all we’re getting?” Enzo asks. He and Rio exchange looks.

“Something’s up,” Rio guesses.

I don’t say a word.

“What’s wrong, dude?” he pushes.

“Nothing. Nothing worth talking about.” I’m not in the mood for discussing my personal life with them.

But when I look up again, they're both still staring at me.

“What?” I snap, setting down my cutlery.