Page 162 of Matteo

Chapter 38

MATTEO

I feel like death when I land in New York. All I want to do is go home and sleep.

And hide.

But there's too much at stake. Too much needs fixing, especially with the Elizabeth problem hanging over my head like a guillotine.

I changed my flight at the last minute, flying out of Verona instead of Dubrovnik. I even upgraded to first class, but it didn't help. I barely slept.

Thoughts circle around my brain like blades.

I'm a mess. Catching my reflection in the washroom just before we landed, I looked a sight. Dark eyes, sunken circles beneath my eyes. Hard stubble, more than the usual light dusting, and hair so greasy and messed up, I barely recognize myself.

My body aches from sheer exhaustion, from jetlag and lack of sleep, on top of life decisions. I’m so close to falling apart, and while I’m not as weighed down by the decision to donate my kidney, the heavy weight of betrayal takes a physical toll.

I don't know how to face Elizabeth.

She dropped me a text to say she'd be in the office today, but I’m not ready to face her, not like this. I really should go home and catch some sleep, shower, clean up, before I head there. I need armor, and a clear head, but I don't have time for niceties.

I brace myself as I look around the airport, praying I don't catch sight of her. Even though she would have caught a different flight, and embarked from a different country, life has thrown us together in the most unexpected of ways, I wouldn't be surprised to see her here now.

I get a taxi and head towards the office.

The tech lab is quiet and most people are thankfully in meetings or at lunch. Alex comes up behind me as soon as I walk into my office.

“Welcome back. You look rough.” He follows me in and sinks into the chair opposite mine. I wish he'd left me alone and given me more time to mentally adjust.

“Thanks. I feel rough.” I set my luggage against the wall and take out my laptop from my rucksack.

“You should have gone home and rested,” he says, taking in my appearance.

“Should have, but couldn't, not with this hanging over my head.” I sink into my chair, and take a moment. Every bone in my body feels numb. Every cell is wound tight, strung between hope and dread. My breath hitches every time there's movement outside because I expect Elizabeth to come into view.

I power up my laptop. “Has Elizabeth been in?” I try to sound calm, and normal, even though I'm feeling anything but that.

Alex scoffs. “She's coming to work?” He looks at me as if he doesn't understand. “Why?” He gets out of his chair and starts pacing around.

I stare at him calmly. “We need to see what she does.”

He throws his hands out. “I’m serious, Matteo. How can you let her back here after what we found?”

I lean back against my chair, head resting against the plush headrest, closing my eyes. I could so easily slip into sleep. “Tell me again what you found.”

“The logs. Her access trail. The overlap with the glitches. The timing. What more do you need?” he snaps.

I open my eyes and study him in silence for a moment. He's more agitated than I expected. Or maybe I'm too dulled by exhaustion to feel. “You sound certain that it's her.”

He stares at me in disbelief. “I'm certain. The logs show it.” He stops pacing. “What the hell is wrong with you, Matteo?”

“What exactly do we have?” I ask him, because I need to make sure. I need irrefutable proof before heads start rolling.

His jaw tightens. “I just told you.”

I startle at his tone. “I know what you told me, but I have to be one thousand per cent sure. My father will want proof. He’s the one that took her on, and this will reflect badly on him. For that reason alone I can't afford to get it wrong.”

But it's more than that. Mama had irrefutable proof, and that's exactly what I need. Right now, I'm not sure we have it. Everything points to Elizabeth, but something nags at me. The evidence says one thing. My instincts say another.