Page 41 of The Christmas Star

Thanks to Mum’s disappearance, I’d been doing a bit of that myself. ‘There was a time when I thought I was. In love, I mean.’

‘What happened?’

I took a deep breath, not sure I wanted to really talk about a man I’d spent years trying to forget.

‘You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I’m just curious.’

‘His name was Andy.’ Telling myself I’d started so I may as well finish, I played with the handle on my cup. ‘I met him just before my thirtieth birthday at some property conference. We were both living and working in London at the time.’ I drank a mouthful of coffee. ‘He was quite the cliché. Tall, dark and handsome. Gorgeous with a capital G in fact.’

‘Was he now?’

‘We shared the same sense of humour, liked the same films, music, books blah, blah, blah. You know how it goes. Over time, what starts as flirty banter inevitably turns physical. Not that our relationship was just about great sex. We shared the same goals, both dreamed of building our own agency. We even talked about moving in together and maybe starting a family.’

‘Really?’

I nodded. ‘Andy made me want to be a better person. Our connection felt different. More profound even, if that makes sense?’

Theo nodded.

‘Until I realised none of it was real.’

‘I suppose we’ve all experienced the butterflies and wanting to spend every second of the day with someone,’ he said. ‘But it’s the calmness that settles alongside the passion that matters, don’t you think? When someone accepts you for you and vice versa.’

‘Listen to you, Mr relationship coach.’

‘I miss that deeper understanding.’ Theo tore at his napkin.

‘Is that what you and Sasha had?’

‘So deep, in fact, I had to let her go. Even though I knew it would kill me.’

‘You mean she just left?’ I asked.

He nodded. ‘Seeing her walk away was the hardest thing I ever did.’ He smiled but it was half-hearted. ‘Don’t get me wrong, it was difficult for her too. We had a good life. A good relationship. In many ways it would have been easier for Sasha to stay.’

‘But we all know the easiest decisions aren’t always the best.’

‘Exactly.’

‘So why aren’t you together?’

‘There was no third party involved or anything like that.’

‘But you obviously still care about her.’

Theo looked at me as if that went without saying. ‘Always. Why would I not have feelings for the mother of my son.’

‘And Jackson stayed with you?’

‘Joint custody. Fifty-fifty.’

‘Really?’ Considering Jackson now lived with his dad full-time, I was surprised to hear that. ‘So what changed?’

Theo picked up his drink and watching him, I realised I’d stepped into uncomfortable territory. Seeing his pained expression, I felt my cheeks redden and I wished I hadn’t asked.

I’d obviously been hanging around with Joyce too long and had picked up on her tendency to pry. That woman was an expert when it came to gleaning people’s histories and I recalled how Alex hadn’t stood a chance when he’d first arrived at the Royal Oak. In a single trip to the bar Joyce had managed to get his whole life story thanks to her finely honed interrogation technique.

‘Ignore me,’ I said. ‘Your living and custody arrangements are none of my business.’ I waved a dismissive hand. ‘I’m being far too nosey.’ My inquisitiveness got the better of me. ‘Unless you want to talk about them?’