Page 44 of The Alibi Club

“Did you confront her? What did you say?” Ethan asked.

“The only thing you can say in a situation like that. What the fuck?” Kyle took a sip of his brew. “Turns out she thought I was such a nice guy that she only claimed to be a lesbian to ‘let me down gently.’”

“Whew. Harsh.”

Kyle’s shoulders sunk further. “Plus, my mom called to tell me she put my name on the singles prayer list at the church.”

Ethan nodded solemnly. “Yes, that is a new low.”

“She also said my gaming was probably an issue. So did my sister.”

“What? No! Gaming is our life. Are we not allowed hobbies? Other people golf or go birdwatching for shit sake, while we stage late-night raids on the Dark Portal against the undead in the safety of our basements. We’re unsung heroes!” Ethan protested.

Kyle gave Ethan a deadpan stare just as they were joined by another teammate.

“What are we talking about?” said a chubby guy in his early forties, unshaven with unkept shaggy hair who was proudly wearing pajama pants and house slippers.

“Hey, Gerard,” Ethan said with contempt as he pointed his thumb at Kyle. “Kyle here is talking about his deep shame of being a gamer and how he’s going to die alone if he doesn’t give up his controller.”

Gerard shrugged. “No shame in being yourself, bro. Hello, my name is Gerard, and I am a gamer. Say it with me, Kyle.” Gerard accidentally farted loud enough to be heard by everyone at the bar but made no move other than to slowly wave away the smell. “Besides, I like being alone.”

Lorna leaned over slightly to get a good look at Gerard. Good thing you feel that way, fella.

“Look, I organized this pub quiz night so we could meet girls,” Kyle offered.

“Is that why we’re here?” Gerard asked. “I thought it was the chicken wings.”

“I thought it was because Nate’s wife kicked us out of his house. She acted like we were surrounded by hookers and blow.”

“She didn’t want him gaming anymore,” Kyle offered.

“Give me a break. Nate is a grown-ass man,” Ethan said.

“His wife scares me, though,” Gerard said.

“Yeah, remember when she came home early, caught us gaming, and threw us out?” Kyle asked.

“How could I forget?”

“I can’t get her words out of my head,” Kyle said glumly, remembering. “She looked at me and said: ‘Still gaming, huh, Kyle?’”

“Dude, it’s not that big a deal and you told her that, too,” Ethan offered.

“But what if she’s right? She said, ‘Adults don’t game, Kyle.’” He air quoted. “‘The sooner you get that in your geek brain, the better off you’ll be. Gamers are losers. And no woman in her right mind would blow a gamer, let alone date one seriously.’”

“That’s not true,” Gerard said.

Both Kyle and Ethan looked at him skeptically.

Kyle stared down at his beer again. Then, thoughtfully, he asked, “For the sake of my own curiosity, where would you go to meet a woman who possibly liked gaming as much as us?”

Ethan said without blinking, “Big ask.”

“What about normal women who tolerate gaming? I don’t need her to love it, I just need her to not hate it and by default hate me,” Kyle said.

“Truth is, my friend, normal women don’t game.” Ethan patted him on the back. “You’re looking for a unicorn. Normal women don’t date guys like us.” He slammed the rest of his beer and got out the key to his bike lock. Gerard offered him a condolence shrug. “Gotta bolt.”

Kyle waved goodbye to the guys as they headed off.