Page 94 of Bonds of Shame, Bonds of Lust

"Send me the MRI specs tomorrow," I said.

She didn't answer that. She said, "I know what I'm asking for. Lessons. Do you still teach private lessons?"

Goddammit. She's still on it.

"No. I don't think that would be good for you." Did she think she was fooling me? Or herself?

"Nonsense. I should learn this. I'm smart, you said so yourself. This is exactly the kind of thing I need to learn now that I'm single."

"Maybe we talk about it later. I don't have a lot of free time. Send me the specs."

"Of course." A beat. "I was kidding anyway."

She wasn't kidding.

I changed the subject, reached for the easy professional register that should have been the simplest thing in the world, but it wouldn't come. So I watched her instead of listening. She'd gone bright right after the demonstration, too bright, the lit-up look I'd seen before, like she was high.

Then she went quiet. Her answers got shorter. She was looking at me less. And then she was getting angry. Quiet about it, under her manners. But angry.

There it is, Harrington.

She didn't even know why she was angry.

I told her I looked forward to the proposal. I'd have my answer by the end of the week. Aaron would bring the car. She didn't argue. She gathered her bag, and the politeness was holding the anger about half an inch off the surface, and I knew if I kept the night going it was going to come through.

I walked her out. I should have just opened the door.

Then she wheeled on me.

"I told you I wasn't scared or upset, Derek." The anger was right at the surface now. "For a genius, you don't listen very well, do you?" She shook her head. "Sorry. That was rude. But I wasn't upset. You didn't do anything wrong." She said it to the door behind me, not to me. Then she went past me and down the steps to the car looking mortified.

That was a giant cock-up, Harrington, in the drill sergeant's voice. Sir, yes sir! Was it ever.

I went up to look in on Jess.

She had one arm flung over her head and the other around her elephant, breathing even, heart behaving tonight, which it doesn't always.

This was the deal. I'd made it with myself in a hospital room almost four years back, holding a toddler whose mother had just died, a list of the men I was not going to be from that hour on. The man who almost assaults his daughter's cardiologist wasn't on the list only because I'd never considered it.

I went back down and poured a bourbon.

Up until the self-defense business, I'd have told you the night went well. The fish was delicious. She laughed. I even told her about my mother, which I don't do.

Don't lie to yourself, Harrington. She loves Jessica, that's not just her Dr. Bonds persona. She's smart, professional, gorgeous, and now I know what makes her tick. Then I caught myself. It's worse than I thought. She didn't turn me on because she was sexy and willing. She brought that out because she'd already moved in and I hadn't noticed it.

40 - CROSSED CIRCUITS

Lacey

I went down the steps feeling the soaked liner I had no way to change inside his house, and the cool night air did nothing to the heat, which was still going the way it had been since his hand closed around both my wrists. Aaron opened the car door. I got in.

What the hell had happened?

We had spent an hour and a half aligned. The fish, the fire, the laughing. And the second it became clear we were both horny, his wall came up and the evening was over, like getting hard was wrong and he needed forgiveness.

So I had my answer about Derek Harrington, and the answer was that I'd misjudged which kind of disappointment he was.

I knew exactly what had happened to me in his sitting room, and he had just said sorry.