Page 113 of Bonds of Shame, Bonds of Lust

"I didn't want you to stop. I wasn't afraid."

He cocked his head. "Yes, you were, and you were right to be. But the intensity of the desire, it's like a drug. It affects your judgment." Then he leaned forward. "Nobody understands that better than me, Lacey. I know exactly what that animal need can lead a woman to do." His eyes had that gleam again.

"I want to know, Derek. I want to know where I can go." I sat up and leaned toward him, my hands together in front of me. "I know you want it too. I could see it that night. I see it now."

I felt my control let go as I said it. I'd never been this forward in my life. But I wanted that feeling again, the one from last time, and I wanted it from him, and I wanted to know where it went more than I'd ever wanted almost anything.

He set his drink down, then clenched his fists, hard. For a second I thought he would hit me. Then he took a deep breath, relaxed his hands, and gently took both my hands in his.

I braced. This was Brad's face after a bad night. I'd offered myself and he was going to hand me back, kindly.

But that's not what he said. "I do want that. But there are ways of doing this, Lacey. Ways to stay safe, even when you're losing your mind with lust."

"Anything," I said. I wanted this, now.

He shook his head. "Not like that. It's easy to let the dominant do anything they want, and that can be dangerous. So, listen to me. We'll do it easy. Red, yellow, green. Green means you're good, enjoying it. Yellow means you're nervous, you want to slow down or need time. Red means stop. And stop always means stop. Do you understand? Safe words."

I nodded. "Yes. Red means stop. Yellow, I'm scared or need to slow down. Green is how I feel right this second."

He moved closer, breathing deeply. "Good. Now you're going to tell me what you want, and then you're going to beg me for it."

It went through my chest and opened it wide, high, like a window thrown up in a room I'd kept sealed a long time. The unsure, shame-filled Lacey wasn't there to answer. I knew exactly what I wanted. I knew exactly what I wanted right now, from this man, and only from this man.

I looked him in the eyes and said it.

"I want you to take my wrists, hold me helpless, and use your other hand however you want. And then I want you to do whatever you want with the rest of me."

52 - ROVING HANDS

Lacey

The look was back in his eyes. His lips were parted, the color up in his face, but there was nothing unsteady in him now. Whatever he'd been holding back that first night, he wasn't now.

He took both my wrists in one of his, the way he had before. His other hand found the small of my back and drew me in and he kissed me, deep, patient, no question anywhere in it. He held me against him like he was made of iron. He wasn't trying to get anywhere. He already had me. He was just enjoying it.

Then he walked me back into the wall.

"Hands over your head."

He looked at me from an inch away, taking his time, and it wasn't the strung-tight look from the first night. It was leisurely. The look of a man calmly deciding where to start.

Yes, I thought. I want this.

He brought his free hand up and stroked my cheek, almost gentle, then drew it down, over my breast, my belly, and stopped.

"Open."

I spread my legs.

His hand went under my dress and pressed against me through the fabric, and the sound I made had no dignity in it. I pushed into his hand. He let me, once, then drew slowly back up to my breast, under my bra, found my nipple and twisted, just hard enough, and I gasped into his shoulder.

His mouth came to my ear, and his voice was even, not a shred of doubt in it. "Are you going to do everything I tell you? No matter what I ask."

It wasn't really a question. He already knew. He was making me hear myself say it.

"Yes," I said. "Anything."

Then he stepped back.