Page 88 of Gold Rush

My smile slips into a frown. “It’s so unfair that she prefers you. I’m the one who rescued her!”

“Probably because I’m the parent who feeds and pets her while you jet around the world, serenading guys with ‘Wannabe.’ ”

I groan, pressing a palm to my forehead. “You already saw it?”

“Yep.” I can hear the smile in his voice. “Wren sent me a clip.”

I groan again. Not only is my cat more loyal to him, but my sister is too. “Unbelievable. Don’t expect any more embarrassing videos; I’m going to talk to her tomorrow.”

“Don’t be mad at Wren. I might have texted her a few times, checking in on you.”

He did?

“And it wasn’t embarrassing. I’ve seen—and starred in—far worse. Trust me.”

“Have you ever made a sex tape?” I blurt, instantly blaming the three palomas I downed earlier for the question I’ve never been bold enough to voice slipping out.

“No,” he answers. “Have you?”

“No, I—Carson suggested it, but … no.”

“Is it something you’re wanting to try now?”

“I’m—if you wanted to.”

“If I wanted to watch myself fuck you, I’d fuck you, Rory.”

I bite my bottom lip. “You said tempting when I mentioned it before.”

“When?”

“In the Hamptons, the night we were at Scarlett and Crew’s. I thought you were going to suggest a sex tape, and you said tempting.”

“I wasn’t talking about the tape part of the suggestion.”

“You … you would have had sex with me that night?”

“Of course.”

“But …”

“But what?”

We hadn’t agreed to anything. I hadn’t agreed to anything. There had been no negotiations about what we’d both get out of a certain arrangement. No terms to avoid anyone thinking our relationship wasn’t real or me being humiliated by a second boyfriend openly looking elsewhere.

I was there though, I guess. Convenient. I still am, right across the hallway.

“I meant it when I said I thought you’d never give me a shot.”

“I had no idea you’d ever—it was always Lili or Wren who you hung around with.”

“They were nicer to me. Took me a while to figure out some things are easy for a reason.”

I force a laugh, taken aback by the sudden veer into the past. History is final. It doesn’t matter what I used to think of him, or what he used to think of me, or where those misconceptions might have overlapped.

I’ve accomplished all the individual goals I set out to. I wasn’t expecting the aftermath to feel so … empty. I still would have graduated with honors if I hadn’t spent every night at home studying. I would have noticed Carson was the wrong person sooner if I hadn’t been relieved all the times he canceled on me meant I could focus on an internship or reading case law. I’d have more friends, more experiences, just more, if I hadn’t deprioritized everything else to achieve the law degree I’d placed on a pedestal.

It could have been easier. I could have gotten a B. Could have skipped a class. Could have casually dated. Could have spent more time with my family. Could have traveled to exotic places. Could have spent some of my inheritance, rather than invest and watch the interest increase.