Page 42 of Feel Me

“Well, I would hold you if I was physically able. You would you lay your head on my chest, listening to my heart beating. You said it helped you keep the panic away.”

She nods.

“My turn,” I reply.

“Okay.”

“Why didn’t you touch all the money I left for you?”

“I did some of it,” she says and again that spark gets stronger. Her hands tighten into fists, and I fight a smile. I’m going to get through to you Olivia. “I didn’t need a lot. It felt wrong to spend any of it without you. Now tell me, what did we talk about at night?” she asks.

“We’d lay in the dark and talked about our dreams. She frowns. I was vague on purpose to watch her response. The disappointment in her eyes is too much, so I continue. A ranch is a long way from an island and enjoying the sea breeze, Liv.”

“Oh, God,” she whispers tears gathering in her eyes.

“I have a question now, and I know this one may hurt you, but I really need to know.”

She swallows, her lips trembling so bad that she doesn’t answer. Instead, Olivia nods her head.

“Livy, where’s our baby?”

I don’t take my eyes from her. I hear the intakes of breath and cursing around us, but my eyes don’t leave Olivia’s. I know I’m a dick for asking in front of everyone, but that’s truly the one question I need the answer to the most. I see the exact moment when she loses control. Tears pour from her eyes like small streams, running down her face unchecked. I weigh on if I should go to her, but she solves that problem by running to me. I open my arms before she gets there and hold her so close that I’m worried I’m making it hard for her to breathe. “It’s you,” she says so softly I have to strain to hear it. Her voice is thick and muffled from her crying, but she’s never sounded sweeter. “It’s you”

I hold her hair in my hand, moving her head, so that I can claim her lips. I kiss the salty wetness, my tongue sliding into her mouth and kissing her with all the love that I’ve had bottled up inside of me. “Livy,” I mumble against her lips, kissing her face, trying to kiss away her tears. “What happened to our baby?”

“He took our baby, just like he tried to take you from me,” she admits, sobbing in my arms. I couldn’t protect our baby. I let you both down.”

I pull her head back so she can look at me. “Bull shit. You’re the only reason I held on. You’re why I survived. I’m here now. I came back. I’m not going anywhere. I love you one day when you’re ready you’ll tell me exactly how you lost the baby.”

“I don’t need to do that. I don’t want to give Douglas the power to ruin our future. Let the memories rot in hell with him,” she cries, burying her face into me, holding me tightly.

32

EVERY DREAM I’VE EVER HAD

OLIVIA

The room is quiet. After hearing about me being pregnant—something even Winnie didn’t know—everyone seemed to accept that somehow, Lake was Bear. It definitely sounds completely impossible, but I know in my heart that this man is Bear. It also explains how I was able to give myself to Lake despite my history. We’re lying like we normally did in that cage. Me, on top of him, my head on his chest, listening to his heart. Him, holding me, his fingers sifting through my hair.

“Are you awake?” he asks.

“Yeah, I’m just lying here thinking.”

“About what, baby?”

“That being with you like this, in a real bed is better than any dream I’ve ever had.”

“I have to admit, it is pretty damn good,” he laughs.

“Things were still pretty reserved with you and Blade,” I murmur, kissing his chest. There’s tension between him and his brother. I hate it. I wish I could help, but there’s not much I can do.

“We’ll be okay eventually. He went to prison for four years for killing me and I was alive. I have guilt, he has resentment. We’ll need to work through it.”

“There’s not much you could have done about it. You were in a coma for almost two years, Bear. Then when you came through, you endured surgery after surgery—over top of ones you already had. You had to do rehab, and you literally didn’t have any memory. He can’t blame you.”

“Logically, I think we both know that, but I think it will take some time. I’m not sure we’ll ever get back to where we were. Sometimes, there’s just no going back, Livy.”

“You’ll have to work it out, because Winnie and I are close. Our kids will grow up together.”