Page 17 of Feel Me

“You don’t really know me, Lake, but I’ve honestly had enough danger in my life. I mostly crave simplicity. I want quiet and calm—peace.”

“In case you haven’t noticed, Livy. I don’t speak a lot to anyone.”

“I haven’t really noticed,” I answer truthfully.

For some reason that makes him smile. “In my book, that’s a good thing. C’mon, we'll watch the foal for a little bit, eat some dinner. Jeff comes back and I take you home. That’s about as simple and calm as you can get.”

“It’ll take a bit to lock up,” I concede, yet still wonder what on earth I’m doing.

“I’ll wait for you outside,” he answers with a nod, confusing me even more.

I have no idea what possessed me to agree. I already know I’m flirting with disaster. It’s not like I can be normal with a man. More than that, Bear is the only man who will ever be in my heart. I push those thoughts away. It’s a simple dinner and watching over a foal. It’s not like it’s a true date. Maybe he’s as lonesome as I get sometimes and would like a friend. Now that I think about it, that’s probably exactly what this is. I haven’t noticed Lake a lot, but I know he never really goes out a lot with the other men. At events, he’s rarely there or off to himself. He volunteers to do security more times than he actually attends anything. That must be lonely.

Realizing this makes me feel better. I lock up the office, turn the sign on the door to show that we’re closed, and contains the emergency contact number. Then I paste a smile on my face and walk toward Lake’s beat-up old Ford truck. He opens the door for me, making me smile. I step on the running board, holding the door to pull myself up. Sadly, my foot slips and I fall backward. “Ah!” I cry out.

Strong, scarred hands wrap around me, catching me mid-fall. “Easy, I’ve got you,” Lake croons in my ear, pulling back against his body.

My heart goes crazy. My eyes close, and just for a minute I remember another night—a night in a cage, where Bear was trying to use the small amount of water we were given to clean out the open wounds on my back. That night Lucky had used a whip on me as a punishment for not crawling over to him quickly enough. He’d kissed my shoulder as the pain hit me. My body spasmed, and he did his best to hold me still while whispering in my ear. “Easy, I got you, Livy. I’m here. Feel me here with you.”

“God,” I whimper, tears instantly stinging my eyes.

“Livy? Are you okay?” Lake asks, concern woven deeply into every syllable of his question.

No, I’m not okay. I’ll never be okay again. God, I miss him.

“Fine, just feeling foolish,” I lie.

He helps me inside again, not bothering to call me out over my lie. I’m glad. It doesn’t take long for us to reach the riding paddock where the trainers work with the horses during training. “Stay there,” he says when I start to open my door. I scrunch up my face, not really liking being ordered around. He hops out with ease, comes over to open my door and help me out. “Didn’t want you slipping on these old running boards again,” he explains.

I look up at him and he gives me a smile, and although his beard is very nice, I wish I could see if his lips curl up and show a dimple. I shake my head. I don’t need to see more of his face. That’s just stupid. For what seems like the millionth time, I remind myself that Lake is not Bear.

“Thanks,” I respond hesitantly.

He keeps his right hand on my lower back as he escorts me to the stables. In his left hand is a cooler that I assume contains our dinner. The feelings inside of me clash with a violence I have trouble defining. I’m happy, excited, guilty, sad, and confused. I push it all back. I don’t really want to go back to my cabin right now. Last night, my mind was in such chaos. Being around Lake seemed to wake something inside of me and yet, made me miss Bear more than I could handle. The quiet of the cabin allowed my thoughts to run rampant, and I couldn’t breathe. At one point, I crawled out of bed, walked to my window, closed my eyes, and pressed my face against the cool glass pane. Then, I prayed for just one moment of peace. When I opened my eyes, for a moment I could have sworn I saw Bear standing just beyond the reach of the streetlamp. It was just the profile of a man, and he was completely in the shadows. Realistically, I knew it was probably one of the security men. Still, the way he stood was achingly familiar. It allowed me just one moment—one very small space in time to believe Bear was outside and I was just waiting for him to come home. Only then could I curl into the blankets and pretend Bear was coming home to hold me …

“You okay?”

I pull my thoughts back to the present and fake a smile. “I’m good. Sorry, I just got lost in my own thoughts,” I answer. “It’s been a long day.”

“Then from here out, you need to relax. Let’s go see Ranger.”

I freeze. “They named the horse Ranger?”

“Well, Colt asked me if I could think of any names. That one kept playing around in my head. I thought it was a good name for a horse. You don’t like it?”

“I hate that name,” I respond, my voice shaking. Ranger is the man who betrayed Bear. He’s the one who worked with Ayita to kill him. To saddle a beautiful buckskin foal with Ranger is a horrible curse.

Lake looks taken aback. “Wow, that’s a lot of anger you have over a name.”

“I knew a guy named Ranger. He was not a good person. He was a traitor and a murderer.”

“Okay, so what name should we tell Colt? I’ll have him change it before they send the paperwork in,” he says, squeezing my hand in reassurance.

“I don’t know anything about naming horses,” I murmur.

“Well, you can’t muck it up any worse than I did,” he jokes.

“I’m sorry. I’m just being silly,” I mutter, suddenly embarrassed.