Page 52 of Anchored to the Storm

“No,” Finn interjected, but he couldn’t have sounded more guilty.

I quickly interjected myself. “What he means is—” I swiped a foot to the left to kick him, “that we miss Johnny so much, and we just want to hear his voice.”

She asked Finn, “Your shin okay?”

He had one eye squinted shut while groaning, “Yes.”

Since she was onto me, I reverted to begging. “Kristen, please help us.”

Her expression was full of regret. “I’m sorry.”

Finn tried the same tactic. “Please, he means so much.”

She tried some bullshit. “It’s unethical⁠—”

My laugh was harsh as I crossed my arms. “Unethical? That didn’t stop you from crossing lines before.”

She stiffened. “I know what I’ve done, Sarah. Things that could put me in prison if they were known. That would cost me way more than just my job.” She shook her head, and I watched, shocked, when I saw tears briefly glossing her eyes. She blinked them back, and then her jaw clenched. “Have you thought of that? That I wouldn’t be able to ever help another child if I’m sent away? This is my whole life, Sarah. I’ve risked everything to help all of you.”

I sighed, understanding, yet still needing Johnny. “But, Kristen, you already made the choice to help with Caleb and Blue. What does it matter now if you help us talk to Johnny?”

Holding her chest, she pleaded, “It matters in ways you can’t comprehend.”

“Let’s cut to the chase. Are you refusing to help?” Finn pinned her with a glare.

Determined, she replied, “Correct.”

That pissed me off. “You brought Blue to us. You tried to help her out of the hell she’d been in, and then you let her go back to that woman and her abuser.” Kristen opened her mouth, but I didn’t give her a chance to talk. “You helped cover up Caleb’s death.” My voice broke, but I kept talking, pushing through the pain. “And then you helped take Johnny away from us when we needed each other the most.”

Kristen shoved to her feet. I’d never seen her become this angry. Furious, she began to pace in front of us.

And then I said something that I knew I couldn’t ever take back. “You owe us, Kristen. You owe me.”

“Do you truly have any idea what I’ve done for you? How much I’ve sacrificed?” She tilted her head back, and a short burst of rage burst from her lips. “You don’t know what you’re asking me. What you’re wanting.” A bitter laugh escaped her lips. “You really don’t see it.” She shook her head. “Do you really want to find Johnny? Are you sure?” Leaning against her hands, now on the table, she leveled us both with a look that made my spine stiffen with a sudden icy chill. “Do you have a clue what he’s going through?”

I blinked. “What?” He’s with Styx. He’s safe. Right?

“You’re thinking of only you,” she responded, spouting words that hit a little too hard in my chest. “But have you thought about the danger he’s in?”

Danger? What did she—Oh. Shit. She referred to his past.

Kristen sat back down and reached for one of the thick files she’d brought with her, opening it up to sort through the stacks of papers inside. As she flipped through it, I saw the name JOHNNY WATTS on the cover in black ink.

Then she tossed out a photo.

I nearly choked on a sudden lump in my throat when I saw a photo of Blue, Seb, Gage, Ethan, Finn, Caleb, and me. One of the last times we were all together. I rubbed at my sternum, pushing through the pain that image evoked.

Keep breathing, Sarah.

“I’ve always known my actions could lead to prison one day.” She paused, her chin lifting as our eyes met. “But I still chose to help. I’m still choosing, Sarah. And you need to realize that sometimes my silence, my withholding information… is protection.”

“Fuck,” Finn whispered.

Until that moment, I didn’t realize all Kristen had risked, how she kept every promise, even when I thought that she hadn’t. How she had shown up again and again through impossible situations because she fucking cared. “Kristen, I-I,” I stuttered, unable to finish what I wanted to say.

“Johnny’s name isn’t his real one.” Her gaze held mine, proving again that she could be trusted.

I already thought of that, but hearing it, having it confirmed, was brutal. It’s the only name I knew, and the one attached to the young man I adored.