Page 9 of Grumpy Santa

Audrey

It’s been two weeks since my boss and I did the dirty in the back room of the shop. Knowing how that tightly trimmed beard feels between my thighs keeps me up at night.

As with every morning for the past three years, Jared stands behind the worn wooden countertop, big, bulging arms crossed over his barrel chest. He glares in the direction of the back of the store—where I am—but he hasn’t seen me yet.

His best friend steps up to the counter and that’s my cue. “Morning, sunshine,” Garrett says.

Jared slowly turns to face his friend. “Fuck off.”

“Thanks, big guy,” Garrett says.

“Delightful, isn’t he?” I ask as I step in beside my boss and one time lover. I glance up at him and give him a sticky sweet smile.

He doesn’t say good morning to me.

So I hip-check him. Which is really just me hitting his thigh with my hip because he’s tall and I’m not. We don’t exactly line up.

You sure lined up just right on the couch in the back room.

That horny little voice has been working overtime since our encounter. “Did you not have enough children cross over your bridge this morning?” I ask Jared. “Need another snack?”

Garrett laughs. “The customer service is why I come to this lovely establishment. So, is my sink in? Is that why you called?”

“No sink yet. Just thought you might like to know about Felicity,” Jared says.

Garrett glares at him. “What about her?”

I listen to the men chat back and forth while I pretend to look through our custom order forms.

“Did a beam fall on your head at work?” Jared snaps. “What the fuck did I say?”

I look up to see Garrett bent over, hands on his knees, breathing slowly.

“Is he having a panic attack?” I ask Jared.

“Fuck if I know.”

“I feel like one of those weird, partly hairless dogs that shake a lot,” Garrett says. “You know the ones that look like they have their ears up in ponytails or whatever?”

“Japanese crested dogs,” I say. “That was a pretty accurate description of them.”

“Thanks.”

“So, who is this Felicity?”

“The one he fucked up with,” Jared explains. “Which he could fix if he stopped acting like a goddamn pussy. You’re a fireman, for fuck’s sake. Act like it.” Jared sweeps past me as he walks to the back of the store.

Like suddenly he’s the man to toss out relationship advice? He’s never been in a relationship. At least not that I’ve ever seen.

Garrett follows the big guy, peppering him with questions.

Jared spins, and Garrett crashes into him.

I laugh because it looks like something from a cartoon.

“Calm the fuck down, Garrett. Christ on a cracker, man.” Jared takes off his ball cap, rubs his head, then puts it right back in place. “I wouldn’t have told you if I’d known you were going to act like an idiot about it.”

“No. It’s good that I know,” Garrett says. “Because now I can prepare. Plan the perfect way to sweep her off her feet.”