Page 105 of My Fair Viking

"Sagas and proverbs! I think I have landed in hell and no one bothered to inform me."

"It is good to know the truth, but it is better to speak of fig trees," Rashid continued.

"Aaarrgh!"

"Methinks I will go over and talk to Bertha," Rashid said.

"If you dare to offer her a spot in my harem, I swear I will tell the world you are a eunuch." Adam shoved his trencher and wooden goblet aside and placed his forehead on the table before him. Then he banged his head several times. Welcome to the world of the demented! "I have to get out of this place. I am dying of boredom. Soon I will be composing sagas and proverbs myself."

"Now, Adam, we will be gone from here in a day or so. Even you have said that the king is much improved," Tykir said.

Adam should be thankful. It had been questionable at one point whether the king would survive the fever that overcame him soon after leaving Stoneheim. "But two whole sennights we have lost here. The king planted the idea in my head that Tyra might be in danger in Byzantium, then succumbed to the fever. All this time, even as I tended to Thorvald, I have been worrying that we will be too late."

Tykir nodded his understanding, then leaned back on his bench against the wall, a dreamy expression on his face. "There was a time, afore Alinor and I were wed, when we were separated for a short time. You may not be aware of this fact, but my lady can be a very stubborn person."

Adam made a snorting sound and said, "And you are not?"

"Not as thickheaded as she. But do not tell her I said so," he quickly added. "In any case, during those several sennights when we were apart, I worried about her welfare. She had two evil twin brothers, you know? But mostly, she occupied every moment of my every day because I was coming to accept the fact that I loved her, and I had never told her. I was all twisted up inside."

Mayhap Tykir had the right of it. Betimes Adam felt as if he'd been turned inside out. He wasn't sure what he thought anymore. Sometimes he even forgot to eat. "I'll tell you one thing, Gunter's pretty face is going to be not so pretty when I am done with him, and Egil's overtight braies will fit him much better. Furthermore, Tyra had better not be scratching her groin again. After seeing her in that red gown," and seeing her naked, "I cannot bear the thought of her trying to act the man."

"That is the least of your troubles, boy. I can see clearly that you are in the same spot I was in then. You have not yet come to terms with your feelings."

"Oh, God! Spare me from Vikings who speak of feelings. Next Bolthor will be…"

Uh'oh! I spoke too soon. Already he saw that the verse mood was coming onto the skald's face, again.

"This is the saga of Adam the Lesser, also known as the saga of 'Three Dreaded Words.' "

"Three words there are that all men fear

More than sword, or ax, or spear.

Why is it such a dreadful thing

For a man to admit his heart can sing

At the mere swish of a fair maid's hip

Or the mere upward turn of her lip?

Some say there are stages to life:

Birth, death, first swive, first babe, first wife.

But I say there is another step man must go through,

One which brings terror to his heart so true.

'Tis the first time he says, 'I love you.' "

Still in Boring Byzantium

Another sennight had gone by, and Tyra was in the exercise arena, practicing battle skills with other members of the Varangian Guard. She was bored, and more than a little chagrined by her service in the Guard thus far.

Romanus was indeed treating her like a freak. Her uniform was the same as other members of his Guard, except more feminine in subtle ways. Tucks and folds he had apparently ordered resulted in her attire clearly showing that she was a woman with breasts and rounded hips and long legs. And he paraded her before every emissary who visited his court from other countries. It was hard to miss their smirks and rude stares or blatant invitations to couple with them, like a court whore. Worst of all, the empress's hatred toward her was becoming more and more evident.

Inside the palace enclosure there were supposedly fifty thousand retainers. Up till now, Romanus had kept Tyra as part of his private imperial bodyguard, though some Varangians served on active duty, too. During any reception or public event, the emperor had three lines of soldiers arranged in a semicircle behind him. The first arc included those fighting men who had recently distinguished themselves in the ruler's service. The second group was less important, but still meritorious of royal recognition. The third group, where Tyra had been assigned, included the "Barbarians," or "Varangians." All of them stood at attention, eyes lowered the entire time, in full uniform, armor, and weaponry.